Ok.. I also have a life issue. So I guess I'll just tell the entire story.


I was pretty good friends with this girl back in 8th grade (she had a crush on me then), then in 9th grade we never saw eachother (didnt have the same classes or whatever).. And at the end of that year I moved to Texas and didnt talk to her for what had been close to three years. Till last christmas when I was in Arizona visiting I met up with her, and we hung out for the night. Was fun, still didnt see her as someone I would ever "like" how I do now... [>:] (And its not cause shes bad looking, beleive that..!! new2me can vouch for me I've talked to him about this before.. since we're in similar situations.)


So after that I had her phone number and we talked briefly 'if that', for the next couple months, then 1-2 months before I moved back we got very close again... And eventually I realized I actaully like this chick. So I told her a day before I moved back and she admitted the same, we'd been flirting a little prior. And I talked to her on a fairly regular basis right before moving. So.. at this time she has a boyfriend, and I know its on the rocks. She had been dating him for 8 months as of "August" and I knew she had been wanting to break up with him, he wasn't the best guy to her. At all really.. so during this time she is flirty with me, and tells me how much she likes me, blah blah.. Then maybe a few days before they broke up it was homecoming (sometime in earlyish september), we went with her friend and my friend.. so it was like us four... some other girls (There friends) got involved, but we were dancing with each other.. whatever. I didnt make any moves or anything, and we all spent the night back at her friends house. Typical stuff. and the next day she called me and note shes really..You gotta be really close to her for her to show you who she really is, if that makes sense? I'm the same way..idk. So she calls me and tells me how much she wanted to drag me away from everyone and be with me, and wishes we were a couple (Note she hasn't broken up with im quite yet, but did just four days later). All that... And time passes, I'm there for her blah blah. So time goes by, like a month and a half after the break up shes still hung up on him cause its her first love or whatever and its still physical, not nearly how it used to be but its still there.. you can tell. Her ex is a manipulative effer, so im sure hes feeding her ears with BS.

I know she needs room, so like a month ago we have a serious conversation about this all cause her and her BF are still sorta physical I suppose (In public, dont know what they did behind closed doors) So anyway.. She tells me the same **** "She knows I wont wait forever, she knows im the better choice, she wants to be with me, etc.." She can tell I think its getting sorta old, but she tells me she'd never go date him again.. so I'm like whatever, I can wait. (Dont tell her that, but im sure I have[:'(])

So two sundays ago, she cut it off with him, told him no more physical s**t.. its 100% over she needs to move on. And shes serious to.. I can tell she doesn't wanna go back to him. So I'm still doing the same **** I've been doing, acting normal. She sorta is acting different, for the last couple days. And just three weeks ago she was flirty and told me this and that.. while she was on vacation for a week. So it all seems good, so last week.. ive done the normal ****, just texted her a couple times like normal. But I decided to ask her a question that I thought was appropriate and I was curious cause stuff has happened and its been a while since we've talked for real about stuff. (Note she is actually through with him, she practically shuns him if he tries anything in public, and has for the past two weeks...so it looks good)

So..I ask her "how shes feels about me atm" and she doesn't respond.. I hate being ignored (Who doesnt).. and its so obvious.. So I wait like 5-6 hours then text her something a little longer explaining why I asked that and I get the response... "Idk I guess im just second guessing everything right now"

Thats f**ked man... but I didnt freak out and call her or anything.. But I can sorta see this from her side as well which is why I'm not that worried. There is no way in hell she doesn't feel something for me cause she told me so sooo much stuff, and shes only like that if she means it. I know it.

But from her position, she is with a guy for nearly a year, its a hard relationship.. and gets f**ked with a bit. And now I'm here, and have been for almost 4 months.. and I want a relationship (and she knows that) but thats probably the last thing she wants especially if she just ended everything physical stuff with her ex.. now she has a new guy pushing for that. And Im not just some rebound guy that she knows wont last, if we date its either gonna be awesome and last over a year or s**tty and last two weeks... I click insanely well with her, and we have the same morales and like doing the same things etc... It seems perfect.

I can see this from both sides, but I hate being f**ked with, especially for so long. I know this sounds sorta highschool on paper.. and I guess it is but whatever. Its just how the cards fell, I recently just told her straight up how I feel (sorta was sappy). And she told me she is second guessing everything because she wants to make sure its the "Right Choice" for her to make, and if she commits herself she wants it to work.. I know her idea of relationships is a little effed up from ex. And theres nothing I can really do about that, but tell her she can trust me. And that only takes you so far... She hasn't really commented on the sappy stuff, she just told me why she second guessing everything. I'm thinking in the next couple weeks if its all still sitting in the air I need to man up and make a move or ask her out. And if its meant to be like I think it is, then it will happen.. and if not. Then I guess thats how it goes.

Whats your opinions, and thanks if you read through all this to help me out.

-Amze

 

just be totally honest with her as much as you canbro.... sometimes it can be hard but it's the right thing to do... tell her that you really like her and don't want to give up on her (after all your sorta been after her for soo long now, might as well keep at it for a while longer....especially after there has been a break up)..... tell her that you feel like you are being messed with a bit and that you are only here because you really care about her and you want things to work out for the best. -i've learned that if you are honest about exactly how you feel(without hearting anyone's feelings) the point comes around alot faster and usually it will be in your favor.

also, tell her that you completely understand how she could be second guessing things right now...after all she is going through somewhat of a difficult time...break up's are not a breeze through the park.... just be her friend, take her out to eat, and make her laugh..... she needs help re-building trust in some one she could love again.

good luck fellow af friend

 

problems of the heart are always hard to answer. it's probably good to get opinions from people on the outside.
my guess is that she is "second guessing" cuz the ex is now all the sudden probably being the nice guy!!
either that or he's laying some guilt trip on her that's making her feel like SHE's the one who did wrong.

it's so hard to try and be in someone elses shoes. only you and her know what's there between the two of you. i sense a bit that she may be afraid to leave one heavy relationship and go right in to another.

my advise......stemming from the saying, "you always want what you can't have."
is it possible that she may have thought she wanted you when she knew she couldn't (still being with the old bf)? and now that it's available to her, she's not so sure? i know that's ahard thought to hear....but maybe your next move is to back off of her a bit. i know games aren't good to play, but as long as she knows that you're there for herwhen ever she wants, she may take advantage of you as being the "fall back on" guy. although you seem to have strong feelings for her, i'd taunt her a bit....less communication, a little more aloof, say that being just friends is probably best, or maybe hint around that you've been keeping (casual) company with another girl (just as a friend).

and you've probably heard this a thousand times, but if it's meant to be, it will happen. if her feelings are as deep as yours then she'll find her way to you. and on the flip side, if they're not, then you don't want to continue an unbalanced relationship that is destined only to leave you with pain.

i'm a firm believer that there is more than one fish in the sea. true that if you find someone you really love, you're never gonna share that same exact kind of love with another person, but it will be an equally satisfying love that is unique in it's own way.

good luck. i hope this helps in some way.

 

God I'm so happy I'm married and dont have to deal with this sh*t anymore.

My advise is to walk away. Too much drama already and you're not even reaping the rewards. Find another girl.

 

Hey mate, I'm with Diehlryan on this one...

It's hard, you think of her constantly, but you helped her move on and if she's ready she'll come - if not you're better off.

The right girl always comes with baggage - just go with the one with the overnight bag - not the complete Samsonite set and three carry-ons

 

But this girl dont have kids.

No but seriously I think there is too much time invested here. (months correct?) Like said above, make it known that you are "shopping" for a lady friend and if she wants you she will come.

 

I would try and foget about her. You are wasting to much time, you know the right girl for you wont have to think about likeing you she just will. You shouldnt have to force the issue and keep trying.

 

I must say I do agree with you guys.. this is to complex.

So what steps should I take now that, thats established?

What should I tell her before I start walking away from this or'deal... Any ideas?

 

Dont say nothing to her, just do it. If you talk about it you will just be looping back around in the circle you are already in.

When you are around her and get a call/text keep it more private.

 

Alright, I understand the first part..

How should I go about the second part?