well...thats just great...
#41
02-10-2009, 04:05 AM
A few posts up you talk about benefits... Myself, I wouldn't have said you were in it for the benefits with your current girlfriend. I think the more obvious answer is you're either too selfish to break up with her (couldn't stand having her with somebody else), or you're too much of a coward to break up with her. Not easy to break a girls heart, right? Well newsflash, what you're doing is worse than breaking up with her. So man up and do it. That's my opinion... since we're all throwin' 'em around.
Last edited by hcaudikeed; 02-10-2009 at 04:09 AM.
#42
02-10-2009, 10:50 AM
^ ^ ^
See, but why even give her the chance to redeem herself, if you're already acting like it's not going to work? If you wanna say you're giving her a chance to change, then you can't really tack on a hidden disclaimer "Yeah, we can keep going and work at this (but I get to cheat on you)". If your idea of revenge or tit-for-tat is going to govern your relationships, then they'll never last. Might as well learn that now, at 18, before you end up 30 and unable to hold one together.
See, but why even give her the chance to redeem herself, if you're already acting like it's not going to work? If you wanna say you're giving her a chance to change, then you can't really tack on a hidden disclaimer "Yeah, we can keep going and work at this (but I get to cheat on you)". If your idea of revenge or tit-for-tat is going to govern your relationships, then they'll never last. Might as well learn that now, at 18, before you end up 30 and unable to hold one together.
#44
02-10-2009, 03:54 PM
idk man, ive been losely reading along and havent been engaged in the convo, but i feel that what you do is up to you, who are we to judge you, especially over the internet when we (at least I) do not personally know you, ya know.
IMO cheating is not the way to go (been there, done that) i would tell her look, this is where i am coming from, i have given and given to you, and you have been unwilling to participate and change, walk the talk, or its over (which it sounds like you already have?). Ive been cheated on shortly after h.s. during a 3 year relationship, and in return i have cheated on my current GF of 2 years, and nothing good comes out of it. well, when i was cheated on, it made it that much easier to give up what hadn't truly been there for a long time, closure was much easier.
with the current GF, it was more or less similar, even though no one really understands the situation your in more than you, but i was tired, fed up, to ***** to fully end it, we were on a break so to say, but regardless, hadnt officially broken up when i went on a few night stint with a guy i know's ex-gf (dont give a sh*t about the dude, so whatever). But it is what it is, we took 3 months separation and now have a much stronger relationship as a result.
Do what you feel is right. I guess if i were to give any advice of if it mattered: keep in mind that you did in fact put in 10 months of loyalty and hard work, obviously you love (or care alot about) her, make sure you dont let her come around and fall for someone who you had no intention of becoming.
P.S. Your 18 right? Plug and Chug Baby, live 'n learn, haha.
IMO cheating is not the way to go (been there, done that) i would tell her look, this is where i am coming from, i have given and given to you, and you have been unwilling to participate and change, walk the talk, or its over (which it sounds like you already have?). Ive been cheated on shortly after h.s. during a 3 year relationship, and in return i have cheated on my current GF of 2 years, and nothing good comes out of it. well, when i was cheated on, it made it that much easier to give up what hadn't truly been there for a long time, closure was much easier.
with the current GF, it was more or less similar, even though no one really understands the situation your in more than you, but i was tired, fed up, to ***** to fully end it, we were on a break so to say, but regardless, hadnt officially broken up when i went on a few night stint with a guy i know's ex-gf (dont give a sh*t about the dude, so whatever). But it is what it is, we took 3 months separation and now have a much stronger relationship as a result.
Do what you feel is right. I guess if i were to give any advice of if it mattered: keep in mind that you did in fact put in 10 months of loyalty and hard work, obviously you love (or care alot about) her, make sure you dont let her come around and fall for someone who you had no intention of becoming.
P.S. Your 18 right? Plug and Chug Baby, live 'n learn, haha.
Last edited by mctavish11; 02-10-2009 at 04:01 PM.
#45
02-10-2009, 04:08 PM
idk man, ive been losely reading along and havent been engaged in the convo, but i feel that what you do is up to you, who are we to judge you, especially over the internet when we (at least I) do not personally know you, ya know.
IMO cheating is not the way to go (been there, done that) i would tell her look, this is where i am coming from, i have given and given to you, and you have been unwilling to participate and change, walk the talk, or its over (which it sounds like you already have?). Ive been cheated on shortly after h.s. during a 3 year relationship, and in return i have cheated on my current GF of 2 years, and nothing good comes out of it. well, when i was cheated on, it made it that much easier to give up what hadn't truly been there for a long time, closure was much easier.
with the current GF, it was more or less similar, even though no one really understands the situation your in more than you, but i was tired, fed up, to ***** to fully end it, we were on a break so to say, but regardless, hadnt officially broken up when i went on a few night stint with a guy i know's ex-gf (dont give a sh*t about the dude, so whatever). But it is what it is, we took 3 months separation and now have a much stronger relationship as a result.
do what you feel's right, but im sure as you know, keep in mind that you did in fact put in 10 months of loyalty and hard work, obviously you love her, make sure you dont let her come around and fall in love with someone who you had no intention of becoming.
P.S. Your 18 right? Plug and Chug Baby, live 'n learn, haha.
IMO cheating is not the way to go (been there, done that) i would tell her look, this is where i am coming from, i have given and given to you, and you have been unwilling to participate and change, walk the talk, or its over (which it sounds like you already have?). Ive been cheated on shortly after h.s. during a 3 year relationship, and in return i have cheated on my current GF of 2 years, and nothing good comes out of it. well, when i was cheated on, it made it that much easier to give up what hadn't truly been there for a long time, closure was much easier.
with the current GF, it was more or less similar, even though no one really understands the situation your in more than you, but i was tired, fed up, to ***** to fully end it, we were on a break so to say, but regardless, hadnt officially broken up when i went on a few night stint with a guy i know's ex-gf (dont give a sh*t about the dude, so whatever). But it is what it is, we took 3 months separation and now have a much stronger relationship as a result.
do what you feel's right, but im sure as you know, keep in mind that you did in fact put in 10 months of loyalty and hard work, obviously you love her, make sure you dont let her come around and fall in love with someone who you had no intention of becoming.
P.S. Your 18 right? Plug and Chug Baby, live 'n learn, haha.
as for doing what feels right and keeping in mind i spent 10 months putting in work, thats exactly why im trying to give her a full opportunity. i do love her, just that **** doesnt always play out perfectly. i was thinking about taking a break, but she doesnt believe in them. she just sees them as an opportunity for me to do what i wanna do and not feel bad about it. i really think it can help in our situation, but then again in a woman's mind, who am i to make a decision like that? lol. i know what the problem is. the only thing i can think of is that she does love me, and i know she would never want me to leave her, but she is too comfortable with the idea that i wouldnt leave her. therefore if there's no threat of me leaving or cheating, why put in extra effort? right? that's where my cheating comes in. im trying to bring the reality of the situation to her. cruel i know, but its the only thing i can think of. sure it can blow up in my face, but then again so can anything u try that's risky. like i said before, once i see her putting in effort, ill be more than happy to stop my affairs. she's more than enough for me in bed.
#46
02-10-2009, 05:33 PM
actually you're wrong, its neither of those. remember i told you guys there was more to the story? well the reason im considering breaking up with her is because i am unhappy. i only just recently started being unfaithful, was good for 10 months. she's the kind of person who takes and takes and takes, and rarely gives. besides me cheating on her, you should see the way i treat this girl, and she knows it. she is very selfish and inconsiderate, and she's admitted to it. ive told her i was unhappy, and i gave her the option of her changing or us just ending it right then and there. made it very clear to her that i was ready to end it, she said no, and that she would change and prove that she loves me. well im still waiting. i do want to be with her, thats why im still with her and waiting and hoping she does change, but thats only going to happen for so long. im going to get tired of it and just end it if she doesnt change. as for the reason im cheating, well i figured ive been giving and giving for so long, i might as well be selfish and get what i want for a while. i understand the argument of being fair to her, but life is short, and sometimes u gotta go against the current. i mean yea i feel bad for doing what i do, and i dont tell her that i cheat on her just to be a douche. i know the reason she isnt changing is because she's become too comfortable with the way ive made **** for her. i figure by letting her know, it'll get into her head that she is pretty replaceable and work to keep me. that is the effort im looking for on her part in this relationship, and is the effort that she promised she would give me. when that happens, ill be more than happy to stop having affairs with other women, just like i did for the 1st 10 months i was with her. and if you're going to say well what if she just decides to leave you and not put effort, well then that makes things a whole lot easier for me. i understand that my fidelity should be unconditional but so should her attitude towards me, and the effort she puts into our relationship that she wants to maintain. you guys should also keep in mind that we're only 18 and 17. as serious as our relationship may seem to even us, it is never that serious. at our age it is impossible to be. i know it doesnt make things right, not in the least bit, but u guys make it seem like im cheating on my wife.
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You know it should end, but after all the effort you put in, you don't want to think it was all a waste.
#47
02-10-2009, 05:43 PM
loosely following that, I can see where he's coming from. I've been in one of those relationships that goes downhill after a lot of time effort has been put in. Maybe its a trainwreck coming, but you still can't seem to get away from it.
You know it should end, but after all the effort you put in, you don't want to think it was all a waste.
You know it should end, but after all the effort you put in, you don't want to think it was all a waste.
#48
02-10-2009, 07:35 PM
For the record, I never called you a douche... though I recognize that other people did.
I was just saying what I thought, but I don't want to try and convince you of anything. I just offered my perspective on things. Sometimes hearing another persons thoughts on a situation can help bring some clarity to a messy situation.
Your situation is certainly messy... so yeah. So whether you deserve it, or she deserves it... it sounds like the answer is to end it. You are young, so there's really no point in working TOO hard at a relationship. Think of it as practice... so try to be respectful... try to compromise... but obviously, have a set of standards that you never bend on.
For me, I'd never date somebody who smoked cigarettes... that's one of many "non-negotiables" as the psych people (and maybe normal people!? I don't even know anymore...) call 'em.
But yeah, whatever you decide to do... Good luck. And let us know, obviously. :P Haha
I was just saying what I thought, but I don't want to try and convince you of anything. I just offered my perspective on things. Sometimes hearing another persons thoughts on a situation can help bring some clarity to a messy situation.
Your situation is certainly messy... so yeah. So whether you deserve it, or she deserves it... it sounds like the answer is to end it. You are young, so there's really no point in working TOO hard at a relationship. Think of it as practice... so try to be respectful... try to compromise... but obviously, have a set of standards that you never bend on.
For me, I'd never date somebody who smoked cigarettes... that's one of many "non-negotiables" as the psych people (and maybe normal people!? I don't even know anymore...) call 'em.
But yeah, whatever you decide to do... Good luck. And let us know, obviously. :P Haha
.
#50
02-10-2009, 07:48 PM
Bahaha, no problem. I -might- be into the red wine right now.
Drinking alone is pathetic, right?
Not when you're drinking wine! It's sophisticated!!!!!!!!!!111one
Drinking alone is pathetic, right?
Not when you're drinking wine! It's sophisticated!!!!!!!!!!111one