Ok. For those of you that are fortunate enough not to know what a revenge war is (or unfortunate? they can be a lot of fun) ... I'll explain. A revenge was is something you can get into with just about anyone. It involves one stupid prank on one party that gets one-upped by another stupid prank from the first party, so on and so forth. You can see how this kind of thing can spiral way the **** out of control immediately. And there's no getting even, there's only getting back. No one ever feels like everything is finally even and ready to call it quits. But before I can get into what I need help with, you need a bit of the back story on this.

The guy I've gotten into this with is one of my best friends from college. He kind of got the ball rolling, but I kicked that ****** downhill. We were having a few (read: many) beers in our front yard with some of the neighbors one summer. Everything was fine, we were all laughing and having a good time. Then this ******** decides to walk over to me, grab the bottom of my chair and flip me on my back. I didn't get hurt, I didn't spill my beer, I'll even admit it... it was pretty funny. I couldn't just let that slide though...

So I went into his bathroom to take a ****... pissed all over his toilet seat, his sink, the floor, and then looked to my right and got an amazing idea. He had/has one of those heated towel racks that dry your towel off for you and keep it nice and toasty. My alcohol addled brain immediately realized that I could SOAK this thing in urine and it would make the water evaporate right out, yet leave all the nastiness that your body adds to that water to make it urine. I drenched that ****** thing. Keep in mind that this is the kind of guy that doesn't wash his towel all year long. Everytime he got out of the shower for about 6 months after that, he dried himself off with my **** and wondered why he never really felt clean.

I laughed to myself about this for a while, but these things are exponentially funnier when you share the story with your victim. So, drunkenly one night I told him and a room full of people got a good laugh at his expense. Hell, we still do.

Some of you might be saying that I went a bit too far and that I shouldn't have done that. Let me explain the type of person I'm dealing with. While he is a good friend of mine, he is the type of friend that will let me get drunk and do some stupid ****. For instance, another drunken night at a party, I had one of those women with loose morals (you know what I'm talkin about ) and the bedroom eyes walk up to me with dirty thoughts in her mind and latch onto me for a second. We had a brief conversation and I went to do my part emptying the keg a little more (dumb, I know) and came back about 5 mins later to find that she was gone. Or so I thought. I turned to my friend and began drunkely running my mouth (I'm a very loud drunk, btw) about the things I was going to do to that woman when I found her later... I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something to the effect of having her face pressed up against a window the looked out on the party we were at, making her scream in different languages... you know what I mean. After I described the details of my presumed conquest, I asked my friend what he thought about that. In a voice that sounded like he reeeeaally relished what he was saying, said "I think sometimes you talk to loud." She was standing behind me the whole time. That sonofabitch said nothing. That's the kind of good friend I'm dealing with.

Anyhow, back to my story. He enacted his revenge one night before we were heading out to another party. He told me he had to pee and ran back inside. He did not, however tell me what he planned to do with that pee. He got to the bathroom by my room and remembered that he owed me one. Waltzing into my room, he pulled several of my shirts off of their hangers, laid them out on my bed, and let loose. He then hung them back up to dry. I wore them without any idea that I was wearing pee shirts. Pretty dirty.

Now for my revenge and the reason for this post. My plan is to visit him sometime soon and replace the shift **** on his old gti (or golf?) with a giant ***** so that he has to drive with a dick in his hand until he replaces it. Clever, no? What I need help with is finding the diameter of the stick shift shaft. I want to bore out a hole in the end of the ***** that leaves some clearance for me to secure it there with an adhesive, which brings me to the second issue I need help with. So my questions are:

Where might I find the diameter of this shaft? Anyone know someone that has a gti/golf from around the late 80's to early 90's that might want to measure this with a set of caliplers? (I will soon be posting this on vwvortex as well).

Do any of you know of any adhesives that bond both polymers and metals well?

I'm also open to other suggestions for revenge. Let's talk.

 

First off stop peeing on eachother... ***** gross and unpleasant

A couple pranks I know about:

Get a whole bunch of Saran wrap and go to town wrapping his car (you'll ned a LOT of wrap), and then take a hair blow dryer and heat up all the wrap so its realllllllllly hard to remove

Vasilene on the windshield wipers

Tossing marbles in the muffler

Jack the car up and put it on blocks

As for the stick shift I can't see there being too big of a size difference between his shift shaft and mine... I can prolly measure it tommorow

 

I'm in full agreement. I don't want to deal with any more pee. It can be pretty tough to resist that when the moment is right and you have a golden opportunity though... I make no promises.

I've seen the saran wrap thing done before. It's a pain in the *** to get off but it's not very embarassing though. I need a small dose of humiliation.

 

hahaha, golden opportunity... no pun intended

you should probably glue that ***** on or something, because what would stop him from just unscrewing it? I like that idea though, humiliating enough but not too over the top... rememeber you are going to have to think of something even better in the future!

 

Already on it. I've had people recommend gorilla glue. Never used it but the name almost endorses it on its own.

As far as coming up with something more extreme than this, I'll cross that f'ed up bring when I get there. I'm more concerned with the kind of retribution coming my way after this one. He's already threatened me with giant dick wall paper. He couldn't make that happen for some very obvious reasons, but that's what I'm working with.

Can you imagine coming home from the bars with some chick, clicking the lights on, and seeing that some a-hole has plastered giant dicks all over your wall? How do you explain that?? Going to bed alone that night for sure...

 

You could write 'Don't f*ck my boyfriend again' across the side of the car

 

sorry I didnt see that, I was too distracted by the pee. Gorilla Glue would work ok but it takes a really long time to set and the finished bond wouldnt be any better than any old superglue or the like. I would reccomend one of those 2 part epoxies that comes in the syringe - the ones that have to be mixed... i think you know what i'm talking about

 

acollicott, I like it. That would be pretty humiliating.

I don't see him getting over that as easily though. Replacing the shift shaft can't be much work. I've never done it, but there really can't be much to it. Part of the reason I like this idea though is this guy is somewhat mechanically inclined, being a fellow engineer, but he's extreeeemely lazy. I can't see him getting his **** together to get this replaced for a while. He'll probably just drive with a towel over it. It'll be a towel pitching a tent though. hahahaha. I'm still laughing to myself about this. Man this is dumb...

ssbaudi, that's exactly what I was thinking. I want this thing stuck there permanently. Although, the idea of him twisting it to get it off is pretty funny too. hahahaha... too easily entertained man. You can't get anyone to help you with that job either. You're on your own there.

 

Not really sure how the golf's shifter bolt down ste up would be, but I'm sure that its somewhat like this





If you hit those bolts with some glue it would defienetly make it harder for him to fix

 

This is getting much, much dirtier. Exactly what I was hoping for.