I know, not really car related, but I really want some opinions on what I should do, especially from any ladies out there.

Here's the story:

I met a girl at the beginning of my previous school year in college through one of my roommates. We've been great friends from day one and have known each other for the past year and a half now. I've always been attracted to her in a want-to-date-her sort of way, but she's been in a relationship with another guy the whole time and I'm not one to step on another guy's toes. That is, until about three weeks ago. She broke up with her boyfriend (who lives 2 hours away) and I honestly didn't think it would last, but I've talked to her about it and she seems sincerely over him. Now here's the tough part, we've been hanging out quite a bit recently (as friends, with other friends, not one on one) and we've been getting quite a bit closer to the point where today, I really want to ask her out to dinner and just explain exactly how I feel. The problem is, if she's not interested, I'm afraid it will ruin our friendship. I would much much much rather be "just friends" than have nothing there at all. What do I do? I've been running this through my head since we were together last night, and I can't make my mind up so somebody please help me out here.

Oh, and here's a pic of us just to make it a little more personal for y'all, I'm on the right, and she's in the middle obviously:

 

I would say that you might want to try to hang out with her just the two of you a few times before you decide to pour your heart out to her. I mean, if she just broke up with her bf 3 weeks ago.... and they had a long-term relationship, even if the guy was a complete ******* or whatever, I doubt she's completely over the situation. She may be over him, but..... it usually takes a little while to really be ok and completely settled with what happened. When you've been with someone that long, I just personally have found that even when you act and say you are fine and over the relationship..... you do that so other people dont think you are being lame and hopeless..... once you've gone around saying that for awhile, one day you wake up and it just hits you. You are comletely over it and ready to move on.

This being said, I'm not trying to discourage you. I just think you may want to give her a little bit more time before you come out with this huge monumental statement. You don't want to put her on the spot like that and make her decide something when she might not be ready. Like I said, try to just go out with just the two of you a bit. Give her a call. Ask her to help you do some Christmas shopping for your mother? or sister? Find out what she's doing for New Years. I dunno. Just something. Then just really pay attention to how she is acting around you and go from there.

I am the most impatient person in the world, so I know how hard this is to do. But the holidays are coming, you'll be busy, she'll be busy....... I'm sure everything will work out for the best in the end. And of course,....... I can not be held liable for the outcome in this situation if you do follow my advice and it doesn't turn out in your favor.

Cute picture by the way, she's very pretty.

 

dude thats the WORST! i hate that feeling being really close to someone and being in the situation u r in. all i can say is go for it. if not ull always be thinking to urself "what if?" it might not work and u guys will still be friends, but it might work out and be a very happy and successful relationship. now is the time to take her out, she is single after a relationship. make a move. take her out for a dinner. see how she dress's, and how she is around u. (try to pick up clues to c if shes interested). i donno, try holding her hand and she how she reacts to that. take it slow. dont throw up the hail mary. personally dude, id go for it.

 

dude.. hate too burst your bubble.. but your in the friends status.. you cant get out of that.. your stuck forever, LMFAO.. go watch the movie "Just Friends" it will be a perfect example of how things work in the friend status

 

I can definitely see what you're saying about her not really being over the last relationship and that's one thing that kind of worries me. As for just taking her out on a date a few times first, I'd like to do that, but I think even the first time I take her out, she's going to have an idea where I'm going with it. Although we haven't really hung out one-on-one much, even when we're with friends, we're for the most part side by side. I think I may ask her out to eat tonight, and just see where it goes. Not really set any goals for the date. I think the real problem here is I'm EXTREMELY shy around girls most of the time but with her I at least have the advantage of knowing her a while, which really puts me at ease with a person.

Thanks for the input lauren

 

Well, I thought exactly what you're saying up until recently. It seems the last few times we've been at a movie together, there's been an arm resting on mine, a shoulder leaning against me. I just don't ******* know and I hate it.

 

ohh dude.. if your getting hints like that then what the hell are you waiting for?? Slip that chic a roofie colada!!!

 

The number one most important factor in a healthy relationship is honesty. If you can fake that you've got in made......


Ok, serious now. You're not being a good friend to her by not telling her the truth about what you want. And continuing on without telling her is no good, because you can make your feelings change. Two options.

1) Tell her and risk losing the friendship. It would be a crappy friendship anyway if you just sat there lusting after her year after year, watching men in her life go by wishing you were one of them. If she is really a good friend, and I mean really good, she wouldn't be forced away by your admission. There are different levels of friend, and this would definitely let you know which category she's in. If she's the kind who would shy away from you after finding that out rather than thying to be helpful and be there for you, then you probably won't be friends in a years time anyway.

2) If you're not going to tell her, you shouldn't be around her. If the friendship is more valuable to you, then you should take some time away from her to get over your romantic attraction to her. Once you've got that out of the way, you'll know if YOU'RE actually a good friend to her, or if you were just hanging around hoping for a chance to date her. Then, maybe you can be a real friend to her, and it will mean even more. Relationships come and go, but real friends are always there.


Quick anecdote, to help you see keeping it all bottled up inside is not the way to go..... (ok, maybe not quick)

I was 16 years old. Typical 16 year old, I stayed out late, I partied with my friends, nothing unusual, just learning to live like we all do. One day, I walked into my English class in high school. My previous class was two doors down the hall so I usually got there first. The second I walked trough the door, I laid my eyes on the most gorgeous creature I'd ever seen. Light skin, cute freckles, long curly red hair, and green eyes, light like the underside of a mint leaf. I could have sworn I heard a choir of angels somewhere that moment. She was sitting at one of the desks, putting her books into her backpack. I still remember everything about that first time I saw her. She had on a rust colored cardigan sweater over a white spaghetti strap top and oversized khaki cargos with Doc Marten's. Light green eye shadow that made her eyes standout like a lighthouse. She had one of those oversized bead chain chokers, but what I remember most for some reason was a charm bracelet with a tiny wolf pendant. I've always had a strong connection with wolves. My father's last name was Wolfe, I dreamt about being a wolf, so when I saw that, something clicked. I don't believe in love at first sight, except with her. I was hooked.

Within a few weeks, she and I had started talking, and one day, I convinced her to go to lunch with me. I'm still a bit embarrassed that I was madly in love with her, and the first thing we did together was eat at Arby's. We got to be really good friends, but she never gave me any indication that anything more was possible, so I didn't say anything. For almost two years, every minute that I wasn't out of town racing the Mustang, we were together. Best friends and such. But I always wanted more and never had the guts to say anything about it. It felt good to be around her. She made me into most of who I am today. At a time when I was listening to Misfits and Dead Kennedys all the time she made me listen to U2 and the Cure, yet because it was her, I never complained. She taught me things I'd never cared about before. But still I couldn't tell her that I loved her.

After a while, it just got to be too much. I ached for her all the time. But I knew I couldn't have her. So I left. I packed up and moved back to Brooklyn. I didn't even tell her I was going. It would have hurt too much to lie when she asked why I was going. How can you tell someone that you feel like even when you're side by side, you still feel like you're miles away. How do you tell them that you've thrown away perfectly good relationships with other girls just because they weren't her. How do you say, I love you so much that I can't stand one more day of looking at you knowing that you don't love me the same way. I never saw her or talked to her again.

It's been 8 years since I've seen her and yet I still think about her almost every day. I have a picture of her in my car that I won't go anywhere without. I still get all torn up inside every time I hear U2's "With or Without You". I remember everything about her. I remember her room, a converted basement, with dark wood paneling, her bathroom painted bright red. I remember a black wig that she used to wear. I remember the time that we stripped down to our underwear and went swimming in a lake in the middle of a park at midnight. I remember her birthday, and the first thing I got her for the first birthday that I knew her, a new charm for her bracelet, a tiny little musical note. I remember her name. I know with my resources, I could find her in about 10 minutes. I guess I'm still afraid, and that's why I don't do it. But now I'm not even afraid that she wouldn't love me, I know that's out of the question, but I'm afraid that she wouldn't even remember me, and that would be even worse.

 

Silver... if you haven't contacted that girl by January 1st... I might just look her up myself, you stupid bastard. Haha!

Back on topic though:

If you guys are good friends... then just don't be too serious about it... you have to tell her how you feel... but keep it light. Ya know? As for her previous relationship... You never know how people will feel after they get out of a relationship bud.

Example: Me and my girlfriend (of 3 years) broke up a few weeks ago... it was a long time in the coming... and had no regrets. It seems hard to believe... but these things happen... I am not the type of person to dwell on things though. Hmm.

Still... You can hint at how you feel... and see what happens... maybe nothing. Maybe everything... But I would prefer to get shot down, and lose the friendship... than go for years wondering -- like dumbass above.

 

ok.. here is what we gotta do.. have Heinz look up that girl (named Lindsay Ann Fassauer) and show her that post.. Seriously I keep reffering to this movie "Just Friends" has anyone else seen it?? I think we have all been in that situation where we waited too long, and lost out.. and yes it sucks you are always wondering.. wishing, and hoping.. but thats life.. dont side step anything that comes to you, be bold, and have no regrets.. ask the damn girl out, and dont be scared