i'd suggest just laying low for a while then. maybe she's a slow mover and the progression of stage 1 to stage 2 doesn't feel quite right yet. or, maybe she's confused if there is, in fact, someone else she's seeing.

 

I got this text at about 2PM that said "game night with friends might not happen tomorrow, I don't know yet" and I was like WTF? So I just called. Screw the text stuff. Picked up the phone and said "Hey, I'm sorta getting the feeling your not that into me. I'm really starting to like you, and I know you had a problem with me 'dating' other people, would it change anything if I agreed to stop until we figure this out?"

Well, I figured it was a crash and burn move. But, surprisingly, it didn't turn out that way. She said "let me call you back in 20 minutes." She called a bunch of friends, threw together a BBQ at her place with about a dozen of her friends. I came by early to help her clean up the house and get things ready at about 4pm. Her friends were there by 6:30. We laughed, played silly board games, and had a great time until about 1am. Then her and I sat alone at talked for another hour and a half after everyone left.

I wasn't reading her right. And I'm really glad I did just ask. :-) Might be working out after all...

 

Just to say, I'm 4 dates in. I think my feelings for her are cooling down, she's a cool friend, but, I'm just not sure. She's out of town for a week, so I guess I'll see ow I feel when she gets back.

Thing is, I think there is someone else I really like more, but I don't know how she feels about me. And, I'm also thinking I really I'd like to find out about that. On the other hand, I really am getting sick of the whole "dating" thing, and I'm starting to enjoy hanging out with another chick (just a friend, ALWAYS just a friend, not interested her that way at all) more than all the stress of going out.

Hate how things seem complicated. I hate dating. And there are a few other people who have shown interest in going out, that I think might be really cool, but I keep thinking "I don't have the time, energy, or money for this... can you all just submit resumes a photos" LOL

 

i have no advice or direction for this.

im 80% done writing a letter to a girl back in NY that I was very very close with on a friend level, and who I wanted more with, but the situation crashed and burned worse than the Hindenburg. Both of us hate the 'L' word, but by the simple fact that I haven't seen her or talked to her for more than a total of 15 minutes in the last 12 months, but still think about her DAILY... I think I might have accidentally slipped into that 'L' area. I can't/don't want to move away from that.
We had everything a relationship should have except the physical part (and ironically, neither of us likes being touched), but she sabotaged it out of fear because her last boyfriend... 3 years ago... mentally abused her to the point of not trusting anyone to get that close, apparently ever again.

I've never poured my heart out like I am/have with her, and I feel like a jackass for doing it.


At least your relationship/dating situation isn't ridiculously ***-backward like mine.

Still hesitating to hit 'send'...

 

I've been there too. I've never regretted pouring my heart out though. I'd rather crash and burn than never know. But that's just me... It's a tough thing to do.

I think it's probably why, even thought I _HATE_ dating, I always seem to try to have 2-3 people to "date" at a time when I'm single. It's a way of protecting myself maybe, if I start to like one too much, and she starts feeling a different way.

But I think my approach is probably a really bad one, and I wouldn't recommend it, because I think I'm probably not being choosy enough. And if and when I do find the "right" person, I get this "player" label because I date a lot (which I am SOOO not) and it probably is keeping the better women away.

I don't know, if there IS a good way to date, I've sure not figured it out.

 

DAMN IT.... As I was writing that last post, I got an email from her canceling. We have been out ONCE, and been trying to get together again for about 2 weeks now. I was really looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.

 

heh.
I think the problem is, there ISN'T a good way to date.

My big problem here is that I already crashed and burned, and I'm crawling out of the smoldering wreckage to try the same trip again. I admitted before that I had feelings for her, and because of that, she distanced herself to an extreme. Before that, we were close enough that most people that knew us both already assumed we were dating.

And this is why I've been single for so long. A chick from a bar can be forgotten before the weekend is out. This girl pwns me, and a year later, I'm still coming back for more. DOH!

 

Oooo... Yea, no... maybe don't send that letter.

Letting her know once is ok, and honest, and not much I know wrong with it.

But if that didn't go well, I'd keep contact with her to a polite, friendly level. If and only if the topic comes back up, you can let her know you still have feelings. But I'd not go dumping your heart out another time if you got crushed once.

 

yeah. good call. I decided I'd hold off for the night anyway. Figured I'd sleep on it.

Its very hard to just be honest and forthcoming with her, and there is little to no chance she'll ever actually admit feelings toward anyone. Shes different. Thats partly why I like her, and partly why it didn't work out with her.

If nothing else, I'd be happy just having that friend back again, but just telling her that hasn't convinced her. Kinda why I figured I'd pitch the whole thing again, maybe she's thought about it. She'd never be the first to act on it.

 

Anyway, its 4am, I need to do laundry before I go to bed, and I've hijacked your thread long enough tonight. Think I'll just tell her I miss her for now.

thanks for not letting me turn into 'that guy'.