alternative places to bars that you can potentially hang out at by yourself?

dont say library, or I'll punch you in the ball sack. I have contacts in cali, i'll make the trip if I have to....

 

The race track?

 

oh i wish. closest track is 3hrs. I'd be there daily if it was local. Plan is to put in some serious autox time next year (pushed off from this year), and then once Im comfortable with how my car is handling, start hitting the track as often as I can. I though I was done with the suspension, but now Im thinking poly bushings are too soft, and I'll go with captive ball/heim joints where ever I can, and now Im entertaining the idea of building an upgraded subframe.

 

The library.....LOL j/k

Take up sports, take a class at the college.......there's more to life that bars!

 

I might not be able to help myself, but I can try to be of assistance to others... Still, knowing my situation, take any advice I give with a grain of salt...


To start with, you say that Melissa talked you into getting back with her, implying that you didn't really want it then, and strongly indicating that you don't want it now. And then Mia pops back in, and that probably seems confusing, but it really shouldn't be. See, from what I can tell, irrespective of who ever else is out there, you feel that you and Melissa aren't going to work. You and she have different priorities. It almost seems that you went back to her because it was easy or because you just wanted to be with somebody, rather than wanting to be with her.

As it sits, you are with her right now, and that means that you have a responsibility to her and anyone else involved to resolve your issue with her before making any other choice. That's easy to do in a perfect world, but Jack Black is still breathing my air, so we're obviously not in a perfect world.

The bottom line is that you need to choose if you want to pursue anything with Melissa, no matter what else is going on. Forget the Marines, and ask yourself, "If joining the Marines wasn't something that I was going to do, would I stay with Melissa?" If the answer is no, then your choice should be pretty clear. If it's yes, then you obviously have to decide if you can make it work with her while still enlisting. If you don't think you can, the choice is clear. If you think you can, figure out what it would take, and TALK TO HER about it. I can't stress that enough. People might not like some things you have to say, but things get resolved so much easier when you're open with the people involved. A huge part of the situation that happened with Erika is that she kept things to herself and didn't discuss it with me. If she'd kept me in the loop, maybe we'd have worked it out, maybe not, but at least we would have known that we did what we could.

If you decide that Melissa isn't going to work, then you can choose what to do about Mia. But don't leave Melissa to be with Mia. Leave Melissa if you don't want to be with her. It's not fair to anyone involved, you included, if you leave one person just to be with another. And don't stop talking to one because the other would get mad. Stop talking to the one that you don't have a future with, whichever one you think that will be.

Break the problem down into it's constituent components. Don't try to look at the whole picture all at once. You can't fix the engine on your car if all you think about is that the engine is jacked, you have to think about if the plugs are bad or the computer is not working or the rod is sticking out of the block. You have to focus on the small problems that are creating the big one.



I can relate on this one because I did graphic design for a long time, with no formal training, and it was difficult to get work.

Unfortunately, I can't offer any advice on that, work comes when it does. I can tell you to try to make sure that you don't sacrifice the things that make you happy. I know what it is to love a car, and prize it, but in the end, a car is a tool, a toy. Don't get so wrapped up in the loss of it that you fail to meet your other needs. Even if you don't have the car, you have friends or books or medieval reenactments or whatever you do that you enjoy. It's possible that selling the car will free up enough disposable income to more vigorously pursue another passion that you have, which in the end could end up being more rewarding than owning the car.

A quick bit of levity before I move on. A quote that I like...

"They say that money can't buy happiness, but crying in a Porsche feels better than crying in a Beetle."



True, but, keep in mind that his current was his ex for a reason as well, before they got back together. The important thing is to not get that "scarcity mentality". The idea that you have to be with one of these girls because they're there. There are other girls out there, and if it won't work with one of these, it will work with one (or more ) of the others.

I don't say this in jest, if your friends aren't making you feel good, get new friends. There is no other reason to be friends with someone. If you feel uncomfortable or unwanted or not respected around your friends, then they're not giving you the social support that you are supposed to get from close relationships. Really, if your friends are making you feel that way, then you are better off being that guy drinking alone. Get out, do new things, go to different bars and talk to the customers, not just the staff. You will meet people that way. Assert yourself, take on a leadership position and if they're not comfortable with it, keep on trucking and find more friends.

You do seem to be putting a lot of importance on the way your friends see you though. There's nothing wrong with that, but you have to look out for yourself, not in a mean or selfish way, but you must learn to be comfortable with yourself before you can expect to be comfortable with anyone else.

You know what, this is something that's easy to say, but takes a long time to actually realize. You can hang out by yourself absolutely anywhere. I used to be uncomfortable and socially awkward when I was alone, but somehow I found out that when I'm comfortable with myself, and I know who I am and what I can do, there is nowhere that's off limits to a single guy. Now, I can take the time, dress up, look spiffy, and go to a romantic restaurant by myself and enjoy a good meal, which used to be very uncomfortable for me. I've gone all sorts places, and to all sorts of social events alone, plays, operas, the library (it's not for everyone, but don't knock it, I've met some good friends and hot chickas in there), dance clubs, bars, local celebrations (city centennials or parades, that sort of thing). And I've met some great girls there who have told me that they were impressed by the fact that I was there alone. It shows a great confidence in yourself. It shows that you don't need anyone, but you might want them. If you go there and you're not comfortable being there alone, you'll look grumpy or creepy or whatever. People will see that and treat you accordingly. But if you go just to have a good time with yourself and to meet people if that happens, you'll be a lot more approachable and people will be more receptive to your approaches.

Sadly, self-confidence can seem to many like a self-defeating circle. If you don't have the confidence, you will fail more often which in turn makes it harder to be confident. And I don't really know what you tell you about that. I don't know what did it for me. Just keep trying, get comfortable with yourself, however you can find to do that. Then good friends and healthy relationships will present themselves.

 

ok vent time.
spend the last few hours trying to replace my wheel studs with arp ones. started with the back ones and got no where. took the wheel off and that was all i could do. cant get the studs out, cant take the hub off, cant do ****. so i move onto the front because its easier? i got my wheel, rotor, and all 5 studs out, cant get new ones in fvck fvck. my armpits for some reason are chafed after this botched attempt, and my arm is bleeding, my knee is swollen and sore because i wacked it while trying to use a breaker bar (yes my luck the one i had surgery one 6 days ago). i quit for the night and have started drinking.

 

^dont drink too much now haha... because youll be that much more pissed trying to do it hung over

and silver, that was good ****, thanks

 

good points. i don't think i have an issue with self-confidence, and i certainly am not out there just trying to be liked.

I think I DO look like a grumpy/creepy guy, suppose that might be something to work on.

actually, yeah, it is. totally forgot about a night, about 2 years ago, me and a friend were working on the road, it was my first day on the job, and I figured to celebrate, we'd hit a strip club. Usually girls come around and sit with you and flirt, try to get you to the back room and whatnot, but not with us. Finally one girl started talking to us, turns out, I looked downright evil. They were scared of me. Strippers, who deal with whackjobs and perverts on a daily basis, were scared of me. I'm an angry looking guy most of the time, even though Im not usually angry.

 

Advice time.... I've been avoiding asking advice on relationships on forums but well this isn't the RX-7 forum you guys give real advice lol. So here is the story firstly there is this one girl that I really like but its never escalated past friends. We hang out all the time and she's my best friend but that's it. She knows that I like her and want more then friends but I have never told her exactly how I feel. She's always the one that I can go to in a rough spot and she knows she can always come to me and being friends with her is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. She has helped my self confidence like nobody else ever has. She is also one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met. I'm well not exactly attractive. I've almost come to accept that we will only be friends but its hard. I do know that I never want to lose her as a friend.

On the other side there's another girl. She is still very attractive but maybe a little more average but not something I care about. She is into cars almost as much as I am and actually is the owner of my old car. So far talking to her has been a lot of fun but I still don't know her all that well. Her BF just left her in the last couple weeks and they had only been going out for a month or 2 but she seems to have taken it pretty hard. Before I knew she had a BF I had been talking to her off and on and now I have been trying to just be a friend to her because it seems like that's what she needs and also she's been the one initiating most of the conversations. Thing is so far she seems like the kind of girl that I would enjoy being with but I don't think it would be a good idea to make a move at this point. She is also about 1.5 hours close to the Chicago area. I was invited to a possible get together about 10 min from her w/ in the next month and invited her to come along even though its an Audi meet I figure that doesn't make much difference. Basically though I don't know what I should do. Should I pursue anything at some point in time? Now? I can't tell if she's just talking to me right now because as she has said she's only got one friend left and her car or because she likes to talk to me or what. Im not good at reading girls and specially when there is no person to person contact due to distance. S4sweetee you should chime in here you should have some better advice lol.

Ok can't type anymore going to eat w/ the first one...

 

From experience, I'd rather have a really good friend, even if I was attracted to her, rather than having nothing because it didn't work out being more than friends.

If theres possibility with the second girl, pursue it.

Once you cross the line to being a friend, generally, its too late to go back and try the dating thing. So, if you're interested, move on it, before you become friends.