yeah man all that stuff you said is completely normal.
like this girl i was with, we broke up like 6 months ago [she left me for one of my closest 'friends' after 2 1/2 yrs] and i still have some of her stuff in a box under my bed just waitin to give it to her or throw it away.

At first its hard to look at those things, but eventually it wont hurt anymore eventhough they still bring the same memories. and now that i can see more clearly I can look back and say im actually really glad it happened [for various reasons]. maybe one day you'll be able to say the same thing... like s4sweety said i think it all happens for a reason.

Plus being single isn't too bad after all, no offense but girls can be expensive, time consuming and stressful!
edit: enjoy it while it lasts lol

 

first off, i really dont want to come off weird when i say this, but it should be heard... your writing is a beautiful thing... let me tell you this, i HATE reading... i took one look at this and was like, oh eff this, im only going to read a few sentences just to get the jist... but it wasnt even the story of you and erika that was drawing me in, it was the way you told it... i envy you and your talent my friend... seriously, its great work and will take you a long way...

and about your girl troubles... all i gotta say is you sir, are a true gentlemen... you have that natural ability to pick up on what should be right, and wrong... i truely am sorry about the loss of your fiance to a shallow man.. ive personally been through a similar situation when my brother passed and his fiance lost him.. her pain rubbed off on me and almost became unbearable... no **** its going to be hard, but, keep that chin up!

and the lindsay thing, i pray to god you two get together for a cup of coffee or bite to eat, you deserve it more than anything. not in a sense that should could be a starting point for another good relationship, but the fact that someone is ALWAYS there for you. is she married? single? whatever the case may be, keep her around you and your life, seems like that genuine person everyone needs and wants. keep us updated on that, im sure everyone would love to hear what happens...

on a side note, tonight (between this thread, and the passing of a father from a year ago) made me realize that AF is a sick nasty place, though it seems there are few of us here, we all have a unique bond through a silly little cord in the wall that connects us to the internet.. between me and ghetto rippin and jokin on each other (and spammers, god that was fun) to cab and sweetee in w/a with fancy words that make you think, we all have a connection...

this is a great place, keep it up AF

--kiva

 

Seriously I *have* to agree with TT, your writing is probably the best that I've read on the internet. I'm going to keep this open to let my girlfriend read it it's that much of a good read. And I'll agree with an above poster when/if she gets her stuff don't be there. Put off the date with Lindsay til you have your head on straight. It seems like she means too much to you to be a "rebound" girl. And honestly, she might think that so give it just a little time. It'll hurt and I'm glad you have something to take your mind away from her like the economics book (Speaking of which, when you're done I would like a copy .) And S4 is right everything does happen for a reason. In the meantime, I'd love for you to resurrect the late night ramblings thread just to see some more of your work xD

 

Sorry to hear that and I also agree with TT on this. But just keep in mind I have people in Vegas. If you ever want.........

All I need is an address .

 

^^^^
lmao...thats the spirit!

 

hhaha i did the exact same thing... but once i got into it. i had to finish reading it, and i looked at the thread 3 times before i actually read it

 

Can't say anything that hasn't been said and said well, but I'm glad to at least know you are back here. Was wondering what happened to you. Draw on the pain to build your strength. it is a powerful force so harness it and turn it to focus on the right things for you. Good luck, man.

 

Again, I appreciate the kind words. I've realized over the last few days that I'm not as isolated as I thought. I have gotten the support of those of you on here and people near me who evidently care for me more than I gave them credit for. And I do appreciate it.

Those who care for you in difficult times are like a shelter in a hard storm. Like the shelter, it doesn't matter if it's a small hut or an expansive mansion, both keep the rain off of your head. And like the shelter, you never really know what it can do for you, how it can help you, until that storm comes.


Ahem. Sorry, I guess the compliments on my writing went to my head....



Our other top story....

So there's this girl. Meredith. Way hot. A little ditzy maybe, I don't know her well enough to really judge. But still a Double A Hottie. Could easily be a Penthouse Pet, and I'm picky. The few times that we've had interactions, she has displayed a reserved flirtiness towards me. Though honestly I'm pretty bad at picking up on those indicators of female interest, so it might have been totally blatant instead of reserved, hard to say. I never pursued it or flirted back for two reasons. First off, I was happy with Erika. Secondly, and here's where it goes all pear-shaped, she is Erika's co-worker (or was depending on whether her un-ex let her keep her job).

Now you see the dilemma. I'm truly on the fence on this matter and would like some independant input.

One part of me is against it. I think, there are plenty of fish in the sea, why should I try to stick my hook in this one's mouth (and if you can believe it I actually had to write that out and read it before I caught the double meaning involved). And if it's questionable enough to even have the doubts to begin with, maybe it would be better to just leave it alone. I wonder if it would hurt Erika even though they're not close friends, not even friends really, just co-workers.

The other side of me (perhaps the more manly side) says you know what? Erika made her choice, she did what she felt she needed to do to chase that elusive thing we call happiness. Am I not afforded that same right? Why should I feel guilty about doing what I think will make me happy, or at the very least give me considerable pleasure in the here and now? Should it hurt her, or did she surrender the right to take offense at my actions independant of her the moment she walked out the door. Meredith is quite seriously the hottest girl with which I am currently aquainted, and it would no doubt do great things for my self-esteem or self-worth to to be able to play around with her.

A question that I feel is relevant keeps popping into my head. If I was just trolling the bars, met a girl, got involved with her and only later found out that she worked with Erika, would I have a similar dilemma then? Would I end that involvement after finding out? I think, no. I woudln't end it. Would that hypothetical situation be in some way, fundamentally different from the reality I am actually facing now? Also, it's not like it would be a revenge bang, I'm not considering it hoping that it will hurt Erika, but does the motive for the action matter in this case?

Thoughts, anyone?

 

about meredith... she is just a co-worker... not a best friend, not a weekend buddy, just a co-worker to erika... go for it... you never know, sure there are plenty of fish in the sea, but only a few BIG bites, if you know what i mean... this could be your hypothetical few hundred pound marlin youve been fishin around for...

i say, go for it. WORST case senario.. erika feels slightly hurt by the situation, however, that would be an appropriate time to remind her what exactly she did to you... her actions will cast a far greater shadow over yours, no worries mate!

good luck!! keep us posted

 

So it's been an interesting two days.

The abusive EX, for the sake of anonymity, we'll call him Curdled Clot of *****'s ****, or CCWP for short, made a terrible error in judgement (more so than everything else he's done).

See, up until yesterday, I was depressed, and when I'm depressed, I tend to withdraw. I kind of curl up in a little ball and yeah, I feel sorry for myself. Point is, I don't really do much, I'm not proactive. That is a safe place for CCWP to be.

But he made me angry. And that, my friends, is a very bad place.

See, I'd talked to him two or three times since Erika left, and each time (when Erika was present, mind you), he acted helpful, asking me, "Are you ok? Do you need to talk? We're here if you need us." kind of crap. So I figured maybe he has actually tried to get better and be less abusive, manipulative, selfish and all that jazz. I figured it would last a few months, a year tops, because he's driven her away like this before and acted good to get her back before as well. But I did at least think he was trying.

But no, see last night, I was out with a buddy, a guy I've known for eight years or so. We're out eating dinner, when Lo and Behold, CCWP calls my buddy and starts telling him lies about me and is basically trying to start a fight between me and one of my best friends. I know my buddy isn't going for it, he's known me long enough and he knows enough about CCWP to not listen to a word of it. But the point is that CCWP is acting all caring and forgiving whenever Erika can see him and the minute she's away, he's being the same manipulative pile of crap that made her leave to start with.

And here is the icing on that cake, the real heartstopper in this boy's galaxy of stupidity. The phone number which he used to call my buddy showed up on the caller ID. I got home and did a reverse search on the number, and it's a seedy motel on the bad side of town. Now, I'm trying to be creative here, but I can only think of one thing that a male could be doing in a seedy motel on the bad side of town when the girl he calls his "wife" is at work. No points for figuring that one out.


Then today, I'm talking to a mutual friend that Erika and I had. Real cool gal, straight-shooter, no BS, and as long as it does't seem like one of us is trying to play her against the other, she's not going to take sides. We had planned for me to go over to this friend's house tonight for Jambalaya. I sent her a text saying "We still on for tonight? Fair warning, I'm probably going to vent, you won't believe the crap CCWP pulled last night." And I get a text back...

"He made her quit. Already heard."

Whoa, what? Yup, turns out this pile of crap, this putrescent corpuscle rolled into her work last night, started crap with her manager and made her quit her job. A job she loved. The only source of income for them at the moment because his hissy fits after she left him got him fired from his job.

Like I said, I figured it would be a few months, half a year minimum before he was back to his old ways. But here she's been back a week and he's already controlling her, isolating her, and trying to get her under his thumb.

And the part that's getting to me the most, is... I can't help. I hate that. I don't do helpless well. Here's a woman that I still love more than anything else, and she's with a man who's hurt her immeasurably in the past, he's hurting her right now, and there's no doubt in the mind of the people around her that he's going to continue to do it. But I can't do anything. If I try to talk to her, it's just going to look like I'm trying to drive a wedge between them to get her back. And that's just going to make her dig her feet in more.

Fortunately, this mutual friend is supposed to meet with her Saturday, and try to see what's really going on. If Erika truly thinks she can be happy with this festering gangrenous wound of a man, then no one is going to be able to talk her out of it. BUT, if this friend can see doubt or fear or resignation, she's going to at least let Erika know how many people she has who are willing to help, how many people there are who will take her side and do what is needed to get her to the place she needs to be, basically let her know there are other options besides sacrificing everything she is.


One thing that I've been mulling over this afternoon, after finding out everything he did last night, seeing the concrete proof that he's no different than before, is something that I could use some advice on, so please, everyone with an opinion speak up. Part of me thinks that this would be something helpful, something that should be done. Another part thinks it might be an unwanted intrusion, almost controlling in itself. I really don't know if this would be the right thing to do, but I have the name and number of Erika's father. I want to just call him up and tell him, "sir, you need to drive up here and check on your baby, because she's hurting. Your little girl is hurting, and I can't help." He dropped everything and drove up here to help her leave the last time. I can't help but think that he would do it again. And if he came up here to check on her and she blew him off, fine, she's made her choice and if she suffers for it, at least everyone who cares about here gave it everything they had to help. But maybe her seeing him up here would help her see the options that she does have. And maybe it would make a difference.

I just don't know.