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US Air Force "Oath of Enlistment"

I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the
United States Air Force because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army
and because the Marines frighten me.

I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by
others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also
swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our
bike riding test as a valid form of exercise. I swear to uphold and
defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe
myself to be above that. I promise to walk around calling everyone
by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and
I find it amusing to annoy the other services.

I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will at
all times be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion
of my *snicker* "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean,
donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes,
Chairborne Ranger. I will do no work unless someone is watching me
(and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me,
and will go home early every day.

I consent to never getting promoted (EVER) and understand that all
those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow.
So help me God.

___________________ _______________________
Signature Date


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US Army "Oath of Enlistment"

I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the
United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB
to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and
the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.

I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots
because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to
wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will
continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my
Drill Sergeant told me I am.

I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of
service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on
my PT test. After completion of Basic Training, I will attend a
different Army school once every other month and return knowing
less than I did when I left.

On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am
cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife
stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter,
better looking Air Force guy.

While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting
absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at
1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report
back to the "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training
whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end
up working construction with my friends from high school. I will
brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but
will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So
help me God.

_________________________ ___________________________
Signature Date


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US Navy "Oath of Enlistment"

I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of
my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "Hey, I
like to swim... why not?"

I promise to wear clothing what went out of style in 1976 and to have
my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own.

I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during
the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to
use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world,
using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" when I really mean
"floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact
that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for
that matter, are completely different from the other services and
make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every morning unless I
am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around
0930 hrs. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point
that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and
still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently
busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected
for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite
possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues." So help me
Neptune.

______________________ _______________________________
Signature Date


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US Marine Corps "Oath of Enlistment"

I, state name here, swear...uhhh...high-and-tight...*grunt*
cammies...ugh...Air Force women... HOORAH! So help me Corps.

_______________________ ________________________________
Thumb Print Date

 

As a member of the US Air Force... I concur...

 

BWAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!!

 

haha that was great

 

hahaha so damn true...why the hell does the chair force get all the fvckin funding while they do jack ****.


Hey I got a 115 and they still won't accept me lol

Somewhere in there should be a "Semper Fi do or die" My marine "friend" says this repeatedly when hes wasted, which is quiet often.

 

Someone need to update that thing. The Air Force no longer has the bike test and the fitness test we do have requires you to be pencil thin and run like Forrest Gump to pass, in which case you will have enough points to skip the push ups and sit ups entirely and still pass.

 

OK, NEW challenge. You moroons who think yer funny, update YOUR services OOE... I dare you! And, if it's not funny we WILL make fun of you! I promise we will

 

Ha yeah right. Last year we had to keep the heat at 60 degrees in the winter and couln't afford copy paper for more than a month. This year they won't turn the heat on until November.

 

Atleast you get heat lol

 

Ummmmm..... Where's the Coast Guard...... We are a part of the "Military: Armed Forces"