http://www.lettersfrombadsanta.com/

 

Some of those were pretty good. I wonder who writes this kind of stuff that ends up on the net and passed around.

 

I was sent the first part by a friend a few years ago and wrote back the second part when i was in college..


Dear Santa,

You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you a letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood who behaved better than me. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What ***** you have leaving me a ******* yoyo, a lame whistle, and a pair of ugly socks. What the **** were you thinking, you fat *****, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole ******* year to come out with some **** like this under the tree. As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little quiff across the street so many toys that he can't even walk into his house. Don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat *** down my chimney next year. I'll **** you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk your fat *** back to the North ******* Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn't get me that ******* bike. **** YOU SANTA. Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you BITCH *** ************.

Sincerely,
Little Jonny

Dear Little Jonny,

Thank you so very much for writing to me the day after Christmas. I appreciate your concern and the fact that you wanted to clear up a few things. I find it so very hard to please every one and it is always nice to hear from the kids I know and love so much. Now I’m not going to lie to you, I feel really bad that you fell the way you do, and I will try my best to clarify any wrong doings on my behalf. For starters you are home schooled there for you might be number one in your class and have the best grades in your school (your school being your House) but you are also the only one in your school. Also I do remember you getting kicked out of your community grade school for putting a cherry bomb in the school bathroom, and tell your teacher Mr. Wagner that he was a fat slob and his wife was a *****. If what you meant by there is nothing I would do for humanity meaning shooting your grandfather with a Beebe gun, pushing old miss Nelson down while you crossed the street, and smacking your babysitters *** while you tell her to “know her role and shut her whole” then yes you are quite the Humanitarian. So listen to me you ungratefully like **** you’re lucky I didn’t let Rudolf relieve himself on your face while you slept while I left you nothing but coal. The reason Mathew from across the street got so many toys was because he showed compassion after you kicked him in the nuts and instead of beating you with his base ball bat and ending your sorry existence he walked away. As for your idle threats bring it you little bitch, you want a war, ill call the tooth fairy and Easter bunny and we will not only make you life a living hell but your children will also suffer. As for walking I’m doing you a favor you don’t need a bike I’m fat because I’m jolly and have to fit into that hideous red suit, what’s your excuse tubby, maybe you should lay off the jelly beans and kit Kats. So the ***** in your court you little Homo, you either clean up you act or we will see who can be worse, oh and yes I am a ************, and to clue you in she loved it, and said you father is terrible in bed..

Sincerely,
Santa

 

^^^ [sm=funnypostabove.gif]Im sending these to my uncle