Alright everyone post your favorite jokes here.. dumb, corny, stupid... whatever lets hear them!!!!

 

Superman is flying around..... he uses his powerful zoom vision and sees Wonderwoman down on a rock sunbathing naked!!!

So he thinks to himself, "Hey I could fly down there and F*ck her using my superspeed, it would be so fast she would never know"

So after a minute or so he decides to fly down and do the deed.

After the quick nanosecond that it took he flies away.

Wondewoman then stands up and says "What the hell was that?"





Then the Invisible man stands up and says "I dunno but my *** hurts!!!"

 

Little Johnny was only 12-years-old. He had been hearing a lot about courting from the older boys, so he asked his mother what and how it was done.

She told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This Johnny did, and this is what Johnny told his mother later.

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then they turned off the lights, all but the blue one. Then the boyfriend began kissing her and putting his hand under her blouse.

"Pretty soon they began to pant and get out of breath, and then he took his hand from inside her blouse and put it under her dress. When he did this, Sis began to moan, sigh, squirm, and scoot down toward the edge of the couch, until soon she was lying down. Then he unzipped his pants and pulled out a big eel about 10" long. It was standing up and he had it in his hand to keep it from getting away. Sis started to help him and they both wrestled it. Finally, Sis held it while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting. Sis had both hands on it, and she spread both her legs to she could get a better hold on it.

He helped her by laying on the eel. Soon they got the eel between them, and Sis wrapped her arms and legs around her boyfriend and they started to wrestle that darned eel between them, and that eel put up one hell of a fight. Sis squealed and her boyfriend almost upset the couch, and for a minute I thought the darned thing was going to get away from them, but Sis grabbed it just as it was going to get away from them and stuck it back between her legs. Pretty soon they gave a big long sigh and grunted and stopped moving.

"Her boyfriend got up and they sure had killed that eel because he hung, limber as a hot water bottle, with some of its insides hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were all tired out from the battle. They started loving and kissing again, and by gosh, that eel came out and wanted to fight again. Sis gave a squeal and grabbed it in record time, and the way they both wrestled and battled with it-it was the best wrestling match I ever saw. This time they had a longer struggle, but Sis and her boyfriend finally won!

They really killed him this time because her boyfriend pulled its skin off and flushed it down the toilet."

 

Sick Day

Don Juan calls work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Don Juan, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later Don Juan calls again, "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

 

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father??

 

-Knock Knock

Who's there?

-Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson who?

-Perfect! You're on the jury.

 

hahahaha

 

aahahaha, i like this one awd.....

 

Q:what does micheal jackson and homework both have in common?
A:they are both a pain in the *** for kids......

 

1. HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
You boil the hell out of it.

2. WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
Dam

3. WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE TOO LONG?
Polaroids.

4. WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A stick.

5. WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS?
Nacho Cheese.

6. WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS?
Subordinate Clauses.

7. WHAT DO YOU CALL FOUR BULLFIGHTERS IN QUICKSAND?
Quatro Sinko.

8. WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW?
Spoiled milk.

9. WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A VAMPIRE?
Frostbite.

10. WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A nervous wreck.

11. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
Anyone can roast beef.

12. WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
Right where you left him.

13. WHY DO GORILLAS HAVE BIG NOSTRILS?
Because they have big fingers.

14. WHY DON'T BLIND PEOPLE LIKE TO SKY DIVE?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

15. WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC?
Sanka.

16. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND A HOOVER?
The location of the dirt bag.

17. WHY DOES A PILGRIM HAVE TO USE A ROPE TO HOLD UP THEIR PANTS?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

18. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BAD GOLFER AND A BAD SKYDIVER?
A bad golfer goes whack, damn.
A bad skydiver goes damn, whack.

19. HOW DO YOU CATCH A UNIQUE RABBIT?
Unique up on it.

20. HOW DO YOU CATCH A TAME RABBIT?
Tame way, unique up on it.

21. WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS?
Skeet.

22. WHAT GOES CLOP, CLOP, CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP, CLOP,CLOP?
An Amish Drive-By Shooting.

23. HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND A TENNESSEE DIVORCE THE SAME?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer