How retarded can you be?
#1
12-30-2005 | 05:51 AM
Thread Starter
|
4th Gear
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,114
From: Canada
How retarded can you be?
Alright, so I work Verizon technical support right? and we get a LOT of ********. I'm a pretty damn calm guy, and handle my composure very very well. In fact, I'm being promoted to supervisor escelation soon due to my abilities and customer service. ANYWAY, had the worst call I've ever had today...and I'm ranting about it. Keep in mind... this is a very short version of all this. it was about a half hour call... i can't remember it all, nor do i want to type it all. Enjoi.
So, call comes in, we have an opening-- "Thank you for calling Verizon Online Technical Support, my name is Spencer. Can I please confirm your DSL telephone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx?"
I got to "Thank you for calling Ve--" before this jackf*ck cut in with something along the lines of "whatever"
So... "Thank you for calling Verizon Online Technical Support, my name is Spencer. Can I please confirm your DSL telephone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx?"
"obviously"
"ok, I'll be one moment while I bring up your account, please hold"
"yeah, you'll listen to my issue while you do that."
"actually, I'm--"
"actually, no. what's happening here--"
"sir, I do need to bring up your account information before I proceed, may I please have a moment?"
"the last technician came out to the house a while ago and tried to fix my issue. He decided that he just wasn't going to be bothered with replacing my modem or rewireing my house, so there's the first problem i have with your service here"
"ok, i'm sorry to hear that. was your issue resolved?"
"yes"
ok... hold up here a second. those of you farmiliar with DSL may know sync and route. for those who don't, sync is syncing up with our servers. as in the DSL line makes it from our servers to your modem... no problem there, the signals there, no sync = no signal. route (because it will come up later in this rant) is the customer's ability to access hte internet. the signals getting there, but the customer can't view webpages. anyway, the ONLY reason his inside wireing would EVER need to be replaced would be because of sync... there's something wrong with the wireing and impeding the DSL. route is entirely in our systems... nothing to do with his house. so the technician 'wasn't bothered' with your inside wireing because sync wasn't an issue, you ******* mother ******. so at this point, here's restraint number one. i wanted to lay into him here. now, in tech support.. 'laying into them' isn't letting them have it, you obviously can't do that and keep your job too long. 'laying into them' is asking a bunch of obvious questions... for example, what i REALLY wanted to ask was
"so... if you're issue was fixed, why would the technician have been replacing the inside wireing. I'm having a hard time understanding the issue there." this is all said in a curious tone, as in i'm really trying to understand the history here... when really, it's a nice way of pointing out to him "shut the **** up you stupid rambling ******. relevance = 0, and you're COMPLETLY wrong in everything to do with your DSL"
so... this is where decision one was made. i have this strange ability to convert an extremely irate customer into a customer completly eating out of my hand. however, those are angry people, angry at being dicked around... htey're not normally like this. this guy.. was a complete ***. when i pick up the phone and recieve disdain.. i'm doing everything in my power to not help you. and i can do this and be doing my job... it's all in working the system. i'll also do this, and have you convinced i'm doing everything i can to help you. it's a wonderful job, i actually really like it.
so it really begins with a line test... do this to determine the issue really. if the modem's not in sync... it'll show, everything'll show, including your speed. so after going back and forth about bullshit... all trying to get this customer to shut the **** up and stop pretending he knew what he was doing...
"ok sir, I'm going to be one moment while i run a line test on your modem here, ok?"
*silence*
running the line test, my computer crashed
"it's been a minute, line tests don't take this long"
"i'm sorry for the inconvienience sir, i am still running the line test"
*silence*
"sure would be nice to know you're still there. it's been 3 minutes, line tests don't take this long"
"I am still running the line test, sir."
"your talking with your friends, when am i going to be served"
"sir, i assure you i am waiting for results of the line test"
*silence*
computers finally coming up at this point, and i'm logging into my systems
"i'm sure glad i'm not dieing, it's been 6 minutes"
"sir, i'm still running the line test"
"your lieing is getting on my nerves"
pause... for those of you still reading.. imagine talking to a man with complete disdain in his voice in everything he says. imagine listening to him and KNOWING he's trying to set you off... it's his goal more than getting tech support. now imagine your computer crashing... completly, you have to reboot, get all your systems back, and retype all the notes since the start of the call. you frusterated yet? now have the customer TIME YOU. i'm ready to kill him. at this point, he's ALREADY become the most disrespectful customer i've talked to.
what the **** is "i'm glad i'm not dieing"... what? i'm tech support. if you die.... i'm off the call...
how the HELL does my line test have anything to do with saving your life? i see what he's getting at... but he's retarded. i was a lifeguard, i worked fast then. i work fast now... but there's no special button to speed things up when my computer crashes.
anyway, found his issue to be route, not sync or authentification. thing is, he's on DHCP, so he doesn't need a username and password to connect. if he has sync, and isn't connected, somethings wrong with our servers. this, was an ICMP ping issue, wasn't talking with our servers properly basically. this is usually caused my a mac mismatch
"ok sir, i'm getting the feeling you're in a hurry here. If it's inconvienient for you to be doing tech support at this time, i do suggest you call back at another time. i do not know how long this call will be"
"what's inconvienient is not having the internet, and then having to deal with your incompotency"
"so the line test is showing us the issue here"
"so you're done talking to your friends?"
"what i see here is your issue is no route, so what we need to look at here is the physical setup you have to see if there's an issue."
"my 'physical setup' has nothing to do with it"
"well, actually, it might. wha--"
"might? what's 'might' gonna do for me?"
"what we have here might be a mac issue"
"i have a windows, do you know anything?"
"sir, before you cut me off, i was in the process of explaining"
"well EXCUUUUUSE me. please SIR, LEAD ON!"
"what we have here is a mac issue, what mi--"
"WINDOWS!"
"sir, a mac issue is not referring to the type of operating system you have."
"care to explain a mac issue then?"
"i was, a mac address is basically your computers identity"
"how does my computers 'identity' have anything to do with me being on the internet. are you not allowing me to have a certain computer? earthlink NEVER restricted me in such bullshit"
"sir, if you keep cutting me off, we're not going to get anywhere. may i please speak?"
"yeah, i'll just shut up then. apparently... not only am i not allowed to have specific computers... i also can't speak"
"your mac address is your computers identity. our routers store this mac address everytime you connect. if you try to connect with a different mac address we run into this issue. so if you have another computer trying to connect without a router, or if you're adding or changing a router we'll have this issue. now, are you changing your configuration at all?"
...
...
...
"sir?"
"oh, i'm allowed to speak now?"
"yes"
"what does a router have anything to do with it. i'm not allowed to run a router?"
"hold please"
*hold*
ok... so i'd had enough, i COULD figure this out on my own by researching the mac address. SIMPLE answer would have worked. looked up his mac, found it to be a NIC card (so no router) researched the NIC, usually in a Dell.
*off hold*
"sir, are you connecting with a dell computer?"
"you know what kind of COMPUTER i have? isn't this a privacy issue?
"no sir, it's not. is this a dell?"
"yes"
"is this the computer you've always been connecting with"
"relevancy?"
"is this the computer you've always been connecting with?"
"don't answer a question with a question!"
um... wait... what? didn't he just do that?
"is this the computer you've always been connecting with?"
"yes. answer my question"
"if you are connecting with another computer, we run into the mac issue"
"how am i supposed to know that?"
"i just explained it"
"so what are you going to do to get me online?"
"what i'm going to do is create a route ticket for you"
"when will i be online?"
"i don't know at this point sir. a route ticket initiates the process of a technicial resolving your issue"
"so basically... you're useless"
"for this issue, i'll be honest with you, essentially yes. you see, this issue lies in your local area--"
"i really don't care. i just want to know why i have to go through you to gte this fixed if you're so useless"
"sir, very rarely can we not fix it on the phone--"
"whatever, when will it be fixed?"
"once again, sir, i don't know. we won't know until we have a technician on the scene."
"and this will be tonight." <--notice: no question mark
"no, it won't"
"you guys suck. honestly, suck"
ok... it's 10:30pm at work, on a thursday night. "OH MY GOD! JOE'S OFFLINE! GO! GO! GO! NOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!"
"appologize for the inconvienience"
"damn right you do"
can any of you imagine saying any of this **** to someone trying to help you?
"sir, this is a warning. at this point, you've already entered harrasment. once again, this is a warning. I'm giving you one more chance, else I will disconnect this call"
"that a threat? not only did earthlink never threaten me, i never lost connection"
ok, so i am right, i could have disconnected this call a loooooong time ago. but... 2 things: one, as much as i'm ranting, i loved it. absoltuely loved it. two, if i disconnect the call and he calls back and escelates the issue, i have to report on it. as much as i'm in the right... it's so much work. Verizon doesn't **** around with this, at all. if you disrespect any tech agent, you're DSLs gone, and you don't get ANY money back. it's in the contract, and verizon will have none of this ****.
so after hearing about his bullshit about earthlink vs. verizon for a while...
"ok sir, are you going to cancel and sign up with earthlink or do you want this ticket submittied?"
"submit the damn ticket. isn't that your only job? can't you just do it?"
"i'm just trying to figure out if you want this resolved or if you want to cancel. both are options"
"supervisor. now"
"hold please"
here's where it gets worse. when going to put him on hold... i actually hung up. aaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha
but... ****... EVERY button i press is tracked. if he calls in to complain... they know i hung up
. I'm transfering him anyway. whatever.
*call back*
"you hung up on me"
"i'm not sure what wa--"
"i know exactly what that was, you hung up on me"
"sir, i don't know how we got disconnected, but--"
"I've already determined your a liar"
ok... so wait... if i hung up on you... why the **** would i call you back? if someone disconnects and calls you back... would you even think that? what the ****? so...
"sir, if i hung up on you, why would i call you back? the logic is escaping me."
...
...
"supervisor"
*transfer*
i get to talk to the supervisor escelation team while he's on hold waiting... so i explained it. we both had a good laugh
brought him on... put him on speakerphone so we all could listen...
basically.. he lied about EVERYTHING... and little did he know... the sup he was talking to... sits 7 desks down from me
so... in her notes:
"believed that customer is lieing"
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
what's better? on his call with the sup... he disconnected THREE TIMES.
she called him back 3times... 3rd time, he refused to speak with her anymore... wanted her sup... then he disconnected
she didn't call back, she took the note to her sup... the sup looked at it... laughed... wrote down his number... read the notes...
...
...
can you say no more DSL?
lol!
thing was.. at the start of the call.. i could tell he was trying to get to me. but by the end... he was PISSED. there was definitely some disdain in my voice... you can only hide it for so long.
this all being said... any of you with verizon... contact me before you ever call tech support (like hop on a neighbours computer or something) if it's simple ****... i can probably give you advice e-mail style to fix the issue.. and if not... i'll call YOU next time i'm at work... and get the necessary **** done... and make sure it's done.
So, call comes in, we have an opening-- "Thank you for calling Verizon Online Technical Support, my name is Spencer. Can I please confirm your DSL telephone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx?"
I got to "Thank you for calling Ve--" before this jackf*ck cut in with something along the lines of "whatever"
So... "Thank you for calling Verizon Online Technical Support, my name is Spencer. Can I please confirm your DSL telephone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx?"
"obviously"
"ok, I'll be one moment while I bring up your account, please hold"
"yeah, you'll listen to my issue while you do that."
"actually, I'm--"
"actually, no. what's happening here--"
"sir, I do need to bring up your account information before I proceed, may I please have a moment?"
"the last technician came out to the house a while ago and tried to fix my issue. He decided that he just wasn't going to be bothered with replacing my modem or rewireing my house, so there's the first problem i have with your service here"
"ok, i'm sorry to hear that. was your issue resolved?"
"yes"
ok... hold up here a second. those of you farmiliar with DSL may know sync and route. for those who don't, sync is syncing up with our servers. as in the DSL line makes it from our servers to your modem... no problem there, the signals there, no sync = no signal. route (because it will come up later in this rant) is the customer's ability to access hte internet. the signals getting there, but the customer can't view webpages. anyway, the ONLY reason his inside wireing would EVER need to be replaced would be because of sync... there's something wrong with the wireing and impeding the DSL. route is entirely in our systems... nothing to do with his house. so the technician 'wasn't bothered' with your inside wireing because sync wasn't an issue, you ******* mother ******. so at this point, here's restraint number one. i wanted to lay into him here. now, in tech support.. 'laying into them' isn't letting them have it, you obviously can't do that and keep your job too long. 'laying into them' is asking a bunch of obvious questions... for example, what i REALLY wanted to ask was
"so... if you're issue was fixed, why would the technician have been replacing the inside wireing. I'm having a hard time understanding the issue there." this is all said in a curious tone, as in i'm really trying to understand the history here... when really, it's a nice way of pointing out to him "shut the **** up you stupid rambling ******. relevance = 0, and you're COMPLETLY wrong in everything to do with your DSL"
so... this is where decision one was made. i have this strange ability to convert an extremely irate customer into a customer completly eating out of my hand. however, those are angry people, angry at being dicked around... htey're not normally like this. this guy.. was a complete ***. when i pick up the phone and recieve disdain.. i'm doing everything in my power to not help you. and i can do this and be doing my job... it's all in working the system. i'll also do this, and have you convinced i'm doing everything i can to help you. it's a wonderful job, i actually really like it.
so it really begins with a line test... do this to determine the issue really. if the modem's not in sync... it'll show, everything'll show, including your speed. so after going back and forth about bullshit... all trying to get this customer to shut the **** up and stop pretending he knew what he was doing...
"ok sir, I'm going to be one moment while i run a line test on your modem here, ok?"
*silence*
running the line test, my computer crashed
"it's been a minute, line tests don't take this long"
"i'm sorry for the inconvienience sir, i am still running the line test"
*silence*
"sure would be nice to know you're still there. it's been 3 minutes, line tests don't take this long"
"I am still running the line test, sir."
"your talking with your friends, when am i going to be served"
"sir, i assure you i am waiting for results of the line test"
*silence*
computers finally coming up at this point, and i'm logging into my systems
"i'm sure glad i'm not dieing, it's been 6 minutes"
"sir, i'm still running the line test"
"your lieing is getting on my nerves"
pause... for those of you still reading.. imagine talking to a man with complete disdain in his voice in everything he says. imagine listening to him and KNOWING he's trying to set you off... it's his goal more than getting tech support. now imagine your computer crashing... completly, you have to reboot, get all your systems back, and retype all the notes since the start of the call. you frusterated yet? now have the customer TIME YOU. i'm ready to kill him. at this point, he's ALREADY become the most disrespectful customer i've talked to.
what the **** is "i'm glad i'm not dieing"... what? i'm tech support. if you die.... i'm off the call...
how the HELL does my line test have anything to do with saving your life? i see what he's getting at... but he's retarded. i was a lifeguard, i worked fast then. i work fast now... but there's no special button to speed things up when my computer crashes.
anyway, found his issue to be route, not sync or authentification. thing is, he's on DHCP, so he doesn't need a username and password to connect. if he has sync, and isn't connected, somethings wrong with our servers. this, was an ICMP ping issue, wasn't talking with our servers properly basically. this is usually caused my a mac mismatch
"ok sir, i'm getting the feeling you're in a hurry here. If it's inconvienient for you to be doing tech support at this time, i do suggest you call back at another time. i do not know how long this call will be"
"what's inconvienient is not having the internet, and then having to deal with your incompotency"
"so the line test is showing us the issue here"
"so you're done talking to your friends?"
"what i see here is your issue is no route, so what we need to look at here is the physical setup you have to see if there's an issue."
"my 'physical setup' has nothing to do with it"
"well, actually, it might. wha--"
"might? what's 'might' gonna do for me?"
"what we have here might be a mac issue"
"i have a windows, do you know anything?"
"sir, before you cut me off, i was in the process of explaining"
"well EXCUUUUUSE me. please SIR, LEAD ON!"
"what we have here is a mac issue, what mi--"
"WINDOWS!"
"sir, a mac issue is not referring to the type of operating system you have."
"care to explain a mac issue then?"
"i was, a mac address is basically your computers identity"
"how does my computers 'identity' have anything to do with me being on the internet. are you not allowing me to have a certain computer? earthlink NEVER restricted me in such bullshit"
"sir, if you keep cutting me off, we're not going to get anywhere. may i please speak?"
"yeah, i'll just shut up then. apparently... not only am i not allowed to have specific computers... i also can't speak"
"your mac address is your computers identity. our routers store this mac address everytime you connect. if you try to connect with a different mac address we run into this issue. so if you have another computer trying to connect without a router, or if you're adding or changing a router we'll have this issue. now, are you changing your configuration at all?"
...
...
...
"sir?"
"oh, i'm allowed to speak now?"
"yes"
"what does a router have anything to do with it. i'm not allowed to run a router?"
"hold please"
*hold*
ok... so i'd had enough, i COULD figure this out on my own by researching the mac address. SIMPLE answer would have worked. looked up his mac, found it to be a NIC card (so no router) researched the NIC, usually in a Dell.
*off hold*
"sir, are you connecting with a dell computer?"
"you know what kind of COMPUTER i have? isn't this a privacy issue?
"no sir, it's not. is this a dell?"
"yes"
"is this the computer you've always been connecting with"
"relevancy?"
"is this the computer you've always been connecting with?"
"don't answer a question with a question!"
um... wait... what? didn't he just do that?
"is this the computer you've always been connecting with?"
"yes. answer my question"
"if you are connecting with another computer, we run into the mac issue"
"how am i supposed to know that?"
"i just explained it"
"so what are you going to do to get me online?"
"what i'm going to do is create a route ticket for you"
"when will i be online?"
"i don't know at this point sir. a route ticket initiates the process of a technicial resolving your issue"
"so basically... you're useless"
"for this issue, i'll be honest with you, essentially yes. you see, this issue lies in your local area--"
"i really don't care. i just want to know why i have to go through you to gte this fixed if you're so useless"
"sir, very rarely can we not fix it on the phone--"
"whatever, when will it be fixed?"
"once again, sir, i don't know. we won't know until we have a technician on the scene."
"and this will be tonight." <--notice: no question mark
"no, it won't"
"you guys suck. honestly, suck"
ok... it's 10:30pm at work, on a thursday night. "OH MY GOD! JOE'S OFFLINE! GO! GO! GO! NOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!"
"appologize for the inconvienience"
"damn right you do"
can any of you imagine saying any of this **** to someone trying to help you?
"sir, this is a warning. at this point, you've already entered harrasment. once again, this is a warning. I'm giving you one more chance, else I will disconnect this call"
"that a threat? not only did earthlink never threaten me, i never lost connection"
ok, so i am right, i could have disconnected this call a loooooong time ago. but... 2 things: one, as much as i'm ranting, i loved it. absoltuely loved it. two, if i disconnect the call and he calls back and escelates the issue, i have to report on it. as much as i'm in the right... it's so much work. Verizon doesn't **** around with this, at all. if you disrespect any tech agent, you're DSLs gone, and you don't get ANY money back. it's in the contract, and verizon will have none of this ****.
so after hearing about his bullshit about earthlink vs. verizon for a while...
"ok sir, are you going to cancel and sign up with earthlink or do you want this ticket submittied?"
"submit the damn ticket. isn't that your only job? can't you just do it?"
"i'm just trying to figure out if you want this resolved or if you want to cancel. both are options"
"supervisor. now"
"hold please"
here's where it gets worse. when going to put him on hold... i actually hung up. aaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha
but... ****... EVERY button i press is tracked. if he calls in to complain... they know i hung up
. I'm transfering him anyway. whatever.*call back*
"you hung up on me"
"i'm not sure what wa--"
"i know exactly what that was, you hung up on me"
"sir, i don't know how we got disconnected, but--"
"I've already determined your a liar"
ok... so wait... if i hung up on you... why the **** would i call you back? if someone disconnects and calls you back... would you even think that? what the ****? so...
"sir, if i hung up on you, why would i call you back? the logic is escaping me."
...
...
"supervisor"
*transfer*
i get to talk to the supervisor escelation team while he's on hold waiting... so i explained it. we both had a good laugh
brought him on... put him on speakerphone so we all could listen...
basically.. he lied about EVERYTHING... and little did he know... the sup he was talking to... sits 7 desks down from me
so... in her notes:
"believed that customer is lieing"
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
what's better? on his call with the sup... he disconnected THREE TIMES.
she called him back 3times... 3rd time, he refused to speak with her anymore... wanted her sup... then he disconnected
she didn't call back, she took the note to her sup... the sup looked at it... laughed... wrote down his number... read the notes...
...
...
can you say no more DSL?
lol!
thing was.. at the start of the call.. i could tell he was trying to get to me. but by the end... he was PISSED. there was definitely some disdain in my voice... you can only hide it for so long.
this all being said... any of you with verizon... contact me before you ever call tech support (like hop on a neighbours computer or something) if it's simple ****... i can probably give you advice e-mail style to fix the issue.. and if not... i'll call YOU next time i'm at work... and get the necessary **** done... and make sure it's done.
#3
12-30-2005 | 05:58 AM
Thread Starter
|
4th Gear
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,114
From: Canada
RE: How retarded can you be?
lol, ever been so pissed off you're shaking? no try being nice to someone [&:]
all in all though, everything like this is wicked training. i actually talked to my dad about this 2night, and then he went on to tell me an identical story he ran into a week ago. so all in all... this is all good training for my future (i'll be doing what he does)
he works sales company to company.. basically... one dude SERIOUSLY fucked up an order... and was trying to blame my dad. dad kept composure... dealt with it, and hte issue is being handled by the CPO of my dad's company.. basically... you're not allowed to sell our product anymore. it was a huuuuge deal... proud of daddy
all in all though, everything like this is wicked training. i actually talked to my dad about this 2night, and then he went on to tell me an identical story he ran into a week ago. so all in all... this is all good training for my future (i'll be doing what he does)
he works sales company to company.. basically... one dude SERIOUSLY fucked up an order... and was trying to blame my dad. dad kept composure... dealt with it, and hte issue is being handled by the CPO of my dad's company.. basically... you're not allowed to sell our product anymore. it was a huuuuge deal... proud of daddy
#5
12-30-2005 | 06:03 AM
Thread Starter
|
4th Gear
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,114
From: Canada
RE: How retarded can you be?
runs in the family i guess. people around me listening to the call were also flipping out, like... THEY were getting PISSED
i also had my sup (we have our sups... then a sup escelation team pretends to be our sups so our sups aren't dealing with this ****) listen to the call... she was getting sooo ******* frusterated.
i also had my sup (we have our sups... then a sup escelation team pretends to be our sups so our sups aren't dealing with this ****) listen to the call... she was getting sooo ******* frusterated.
