Hmm how can I say it like I mean it...

Try to think of it like this: say your car is in the shop for a month.
Even though you don't have the car in your possession, you're still responsible for the car note/insurance payment for that month.
Would you skip a payment, once you get your car back to make up for time you went without it? I think not...

After all it was your decision to "take the car to the shop"... Know what I mean?

However, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask where your money is going.

Just my opinion.

 

ya if im giving money to a mechanic i damn sure better know what he is doing with it

 

I'm gonna ream you on this one.......

First off, get your a** back to the city your daughter lives in. She needs a dad ALL THE TIME, not just when school is out. The only way to be a father is to be there, where she is. If you have to quit your job, tough luck. Get another one where she is.
.
Secondthing, if you have "joint custody", take advantage of that and take care of your daughter 1/2 the time. You'll appreciate this when she's a young lady and looks for a man with the qualities she sees in YOU.
.
Third thing. never bad-mouth your ex to your daughter. ALWAYS hold her in high regard (as far as she knows).

 

case closed

 

They all lie and their all sneaky. I would Lawyer UP!

 

BEST ADVICE SO FAR.

as a single dad going through all these issues RIGHT NOW in real time...I can relate.
but #1 priority is always your kid(s).

also not sure on the CS laws in FL, but if you have joint custody, that doesnt necessarily mean your CS payments were
calculated at 50% time, so if your spending less time (only when school is out)
$$ is going to be headed to the custodial parent.

i think more important thant the $$, is being available / accessible to your kid.
good luck to you.

 

Have you come to a legal agreement already for how much you pay?

If you haven't and she takes you to court for more money (or what the court deems your share based on their outrageous calculations) then you could end up not only paying a higher amount, but being billed for the arears too. Even if you've been payingsince you've been divorcedyou can still get screwed unless you have signed the official voluntary child support documents. This means that you came to an agreement without having to discuss it with a judge. Or you indeed did speak with a judge and the courts ordered you to pay a certain amount based on your percentage of the combined income you had last year.

Now, among other things, here is one problem I have with how the laws work. If the custodial parent decides they want to find a part time job so they have the time to go to school, the non-custodial parent is paying for most of what the child needs. On the flip side, the non-custodial parent can work a part time job and go to school and not havea high child support bill.This could be good if both parents have an understanding that once they both complete school that they will, equally, be able to take care of their child better.

This brings us to other issues. What values does each parent want to raise the child with? Do the parent's values conflict? Would either of the parents financial values conflict? What if the non-custodial parent gets married and has more children? Would that parent then want to minimize on bills, leading a modest lifestyle, raising his family to live a good life, while saving a putting money into the bank? Get to the point!!! Is it possible to spend less than 20% of your income on one child and still raise them with good values while creating a healthy lifestyle? SURE IT IS!

So, if I can do this with my wife and my other children, then why must I pay my first child's mother so much more? GOOD QUESTION! The answer is...the law doesn't care!!! Isn't that special!?

No matter how insane you are, the system is twisted. The only thing we single fathers (or soon to be married to another woman fathers) can do is keep our heads up, pay our child support, and spend as much time with our children as possible.

My advice to you is do your best to make happy face with your ex-wife. Angry and crazed emotions will not help much.It isn't healthy for your child to seeparents that areat each others throats. Being the "bigger man" sometimes just means being a man. You don't have to like her much, but respect her for being your child's mother.

On the legal side of the house, talk to your child support law enforcement agency and see what they can do for you. They usually have a case worker that will at least give you information on what your options are.

Good luck daddy!

 

Big thanks to everyone with advice. My daughter and our relationship is the most important thing in my life. Being a few states away was not something I planned on happening and will be returning back home by november. I really great opp came up for me to move to
NJ and now NC with IBM so I took it. the ex and I had an agreement for $400 a month and me being the "nice guy" I have always given her more just so my daughter doesn't have to deal with her when she is stressing about money. Which was a main part on us not being together now. What she needs to know is that her threating to keep my daughter from me for the summer is not only hurting me she is also hurting our daughter. I just hope she smartens up by summertime otherwise I am gonna lawyer up and I will not be paying for her lawyer and I'm gonna call IRS since she does not report that as income. I can be an a$$ too if I want and don't want to take it to that level but women for one reason or another will always try and use the child in situations like this as a bargaining chip and that is not cool. Children are the best blessing anyone can have but fellas...... Keep it strapped unless you know for sure that the woman will be in your life forever. Its like I wishing my daughter's life away since I can't wait for her to turn 18.....

Thanks again guys

 

Hey, mate, it hurts both emotionally, mentally and financially- I know - but time will fly by and it won't matter as much. Trust me on this. Just like Karguy touched on - stay in her life, don't treat her as an afterthought, but don't fixate on her - that can cause equally the amount of damaged as ignoring her can.

Be careful on the tit-for-tat trades with the ex - children see and hear more than you know and though you may feel righteous in your cause - her perceptions may be quite the opposite and will be hard to erase.

Be the stand up guy in this matter - don't take it lying down either, but always take the higher road. My ex was a chronic pot smoker and my lawyer wanted to use it - it would have served little purpose in the outcome and I chose not too address it.

Had a great job in the SF Bay area making nearly 6 figures in the tech field - left it all and took a job that paid a third of waht I was making. Resentful, yes, at the time... A financial hardship, you bet your *** it was- especially when she turned the child support over to the state to collect. Damn! still dealing with that on my credit report - though it was settled 3 years ago!

But now we have a cool relationship and I make more money now than I did then, so maybe I gained some karma points for taking the high road - who knows how the fickle finger of fate diddles you... lol...

Chin-up, little buckeroo - still alot of life ahead of you - make the best of it for you and most for your children. and you won't fail... just a tip from your uncle, Pali... lol

 

awww, Uncle Pali! Can I sit on your lap next?!?