Global warming has changed precipitation patterns over the Himalyas. Scientists have predicted that if this trend continues, precipitation will erode Mount Everest and in 100,000 years, it will only be the fifth highest peak in the world.

Law makers in San Francisco have introduced a bill that will allow homosexual couples to be married and receive medical benefits if one is designated the "man" and the other is designated the "woman". A component requiring "father" and "mother" designations for couples with children was removed due to public outcry.

In music news, Jerry Garcia's missing finger was discovered in a freezer in the basement of a Haight Ashbury commune. Dead fans were stunned and left wondering about what might have been. Then they got the munchies and got Chinese takeout.

In business news, the Federal Trade Commission is investigating charges that Bill Gates, working through his company, Microsoft, has been illegally hacking into stock exchnage computers. The charges claim that Microsoft programmers have been ficticiously increasing the value of Microsoft stock and those of it's suppliers, while devaluing the stocks of its competitors. Sources say that Microsoft Vista is an elaborate cover for an underground network of monitoring stations, bent on altering the stocks in trading house portfolios. Mr. Gates was not available for comment, but a large cash donation was made to renovate the US Treasury building.

The rope used to hang Saddam Hussein is being Auctioned on E-Bay. Rumor has it the reserve has been set at $100,000. Bidding has been especially heavy in the Dearborn area of Detroit.

Preliminary design work has begun on the H4, the latest model from GM. It will be about the size of a Pontiac Vibe and may be produced using that platform. Suspension parts will be taken from GM's small truck parts bin. The vehicle wil come standard with 32" all-terrain tires. Body styling will echo that of its larger stablemates, with the exception that this will be a two-door model with a removable rear hard top. It is expected to compete with the Jeep Wrangler and Toyota FJ Cruiser.

 

Iraq needed to be invaded.

 

^^^ LOL OUT LOUD!!!

 

7 out of every 6 Americans has trouble with fractions...

 

1. The number of words in the Bible divided by the number of verses equals exactly 666.
2. If you fill a standard 750ml wine bottle with live hornets, their angry buzzing will resonate at precisely the right frequency to shatter the glass.
3. Adding baking soda and vinegar will make your scrambled eggs fluffier.

 

* Chuck Norris has been nominated for the Nobel Peace prize twice. 1st in 1976 and again in 2002.

 

The people in the Geico "caveman" commercials are actual Cavemen, re-animated from DNA samples found at and taken fromcertain caves with pre-historic pornographic cave-drawings discovered in caves about halfway up the side of Mount Hiapathu-uh, in the exact center of the Serengeti.

 

OOOOHHH S#!T Jazz...[:@] Thats friggin 2x Im LOL @ WORK
goddamn caveman Geico commercials LOL
is nothing sacred?





** Judith Shiendlin aka Judge Judy was formerly a man.

*** The Gecko in the Geico commercials is actually a salamander

 

[ol][*]Humpty Dumpty was pushed![*]It is impossible to get sick without also being tired.[*]Six words can be made using all the letters in the word anagram.[*]It is possible to imagine a world with no hypothetical situations.[*]Sheep shrink if left outside in the rain.[*]It is illegal to yell, "MOVIE" in a crowded FireHouse.[*]Smurfs turn Purple when choked.[*]Lipton employees are forbidden to take coffee breaks.[*]Tornado's do not become "official" until at least one trailer-park has been destroyed.[*]Bar guide: Phillips Screwdriver - 1part Vodka, 1part O.J., 1part Milk of Magnesia[/ol]


You do not need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime.
Scientific evidence suggests that, despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
When cows sneeze milk shoots out of their noses.
If you become "born-again," you develope a second belly-button.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

 

In Japan cheese can be made from cat milk