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Once, you are complete make sure you roll up to every American Musclecar and European sportscar and perform the follwing procedure:

1. Rev your engine
2. peel out
3. struggle to gain the lead even though the other driver does not even care and never revs his engine above 2500 rpm. Make sure you pass him well in excess of the posted speed limit as his car easily putses to 45mph ahead of you.
4. Flash your warning lights to signal that you have raced and defeated his ride
5. Tell all your friends that you have smoked a Camaro SS, Audi Quattro, BMW M3, Cobra,etc... They will be so impressed with you that you are sure to get laid and be known as the alpha male in the high school cafeteria.

Prior to beginning modification it is essentially that the correct "whip" is chosen. Since you want to construct your own homemade rocket it is imperative that nothing with actual performance characteristics is purchased. Therefore you must purchase a front wheel drive car with a four cylinder , naturally aspirated motor which you will affectionately refer to as "all motor as you can not afford a turbo. I recommend the Honda Civic but any economy car will suffice

Now the modifications may begin!

First, you must have a wing/tail/spoiler. Not only are these a very simple install on your whip, but they make your car look aggressive and powerful, much like the alpha male in a wolf pack. Remember massive downforce is needed to corner at 40 mph through the neighborhood.

Secondly, to be different you have to have at the very minimum a 19" chrome wheel, and if you can afford it, Sprewell's. The stock rim is a pathetic attempt at styling, and to be honest you know what looks best as you have great style as evidenced by your wardrobe of Ecko Unltd. and Roca Wear. Stock in this area is extremely boring, who wants to look at stock rims?

Third, ...whats that sound? I cant hear anything either... that must because you have a stock exhaust. That just won't do, not only can you customize the total look of your car, you can create its own custom sound signature!! Remember, bigger pipes equal more air flow and better effeciency from your motor. Rmember that racecar parts don't need to be for racecars so get the loudest one possible that way everyone within a 3 mile radius will be able to hear you and be duely impressed as louder = faster.Three inch exhaust on your 1.6L single cam, all motor is best.

Fourth, window tinting. How careless of the factory not to already half lemonize your window with half yellow limo tint and half smoke? This can add much value to your ride, always be prepared and bring a quality squeege.

Fifth, mono wiper. Let me tell you if i had a dime for every argument i got into with a mechanical engineer about how ineffecient a dual wiper system is over the single wiper, i'd be a rich rich man. However style is paramount and after all you know what looks best .

Sixth, interior detailing. This is an easy thing to over look since you think you are the only one who sees the interior while your driving right? Wrong, those hunnies on the corner of Hollywood and Vine will always check a ride over thoroughly before they get inside of just anyone's car. Make sure yours is accented perfectly with contrasting colors to really draw attention to the accents of the car. We all can't forget 3rd grade color theory and the color wheel right?

Seventh, Neons. Nothing says "i've customized my ride so you know which Civic is mine" like a set of neon lights. Strategically place neons in places which will give off the most afterglow of a light, license plates are a great place for those, not to mention your dash board. Driving at night can be hazardous, having one on your dash alerts other drivers to stay away from your ride because its custom and one of a kind.

Eigth, Carbon fiber. Honestly, is there such a thing as too much carbon fiber? I would argue no. Its light, super trick and will never rust so you can have your custom whip that much longer! But even better replace it with faux fiber to save money and thus have it everywhere. Besides, what fine hoe ever said to you, "thats a sexy stock rear view mirrror" and meant it!?! I rest my case.

Ninth, Stereo. Be the loudest, its what its all about. You will be the coolest kid on the block with your booming system, not because you like it loud, but because your so deaf that you need it that loud to actually hear the music. Always, and this is a must... Play rap music from some rapper no one has ever heard of to prove that you are hardcore about the music and not some poser.

Tenth, Your car must be lowered as much as possible this is an not negotiable. Ignore the fact that the guy with the Porsche only lowered his car 1" what does he know about performance anyway. As you are on a budget actual coilovers, ant-sway bars and the like are out of the question. Instead buy the shortest springs possible and don't upgrade your shocks. This will cause your tires to cant out due to the excessive negative camber and hop over every bump that will let any hunnie know what a real performance car is like to ride in. And your hard core you don't need a smooth wussy ride anyway.

Finally now that the mechanics are in order, you must perform the only logical remaining step. Vinyl decals. This is a two step prtocess. Begin by obtaining performance stickers from the manufacturer of every part you posess and even ones you don't have. This will intimidate other would be ricers as you have an NOS sticker "which you must pronounce "Nawz" so that everyone will know you're down with the scene's lingo. The second step in the Vinyl decal process is huge body covering vinyl. I personally recommend wither twin racing stripes or flames that way everyone will think you have a "racecar" and be "mad impresside with you insane whip"

Now people, i've only given you a little taste of what its like to be different in the world of cars and custom whips. There are millions of other things to customize on your car, you're smart. You can figure out trick shiz to pull off on your car, remember you're the tuner!! If its fugly, it must be different and different is good.

Do all of these things and you'll be different, just like everyone else.

 

HAHA sounds like the mind set of my town.
I hate ricers.

 

your forgot to mention that an availalbe option for the interior is taking out every seat but the drivers... after all this takes out so much weight and your janky whip will be so much faster!!!

 

Yo Fo! Waz yo trin ta say! Dat be coo on my block!

Actually, there aren't that many of those ricers around here. Thank God! But I'm nost sure I like that part about the racing stripes; come on now! I guess mine counts as four though.

BTW, does anyone know where I can pick up a Carbon Fiber hood? Just kiddin!

 

carbon fiber hood wont make you rice. rice is more of the "auto zone special" composed of universial parts that are thrown together to make us normal tuners wanna puke.

 

Don't know about up there in OH but here WalMart is trying to breed their own version of "ricers"! I think they can give any Auto Zone or Advanced a run for their money.

 

Haha that's hysterical! Nice work!

 

Thank You. As to the issue of Carbon Fiber. It is neither "rice" nor "ghetto". Now "Faux Fiber" the fake stuff is beyond rice and totally imitation and no stronger than plastic and totally different than actual Carbon. Also since the debut of the R8 with the Carbon panels I noticed every VW/Audi/BMW guy wants it/

 

Hey, I take offense at the "FWD" remark... Weight savings you know LOL...

 

That **** is so funny it should be parked.


I hate hondas or anything rice. Course I hate american cars too.....


I actully love to hate them... JOY~